


Prinxiety - Love hating you

by Herbstblatt



Series: Love hating you [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Humor, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Heavy Angst, Humor, Idiots in Love, Kinda, Light Angst, Love Triangles, M/M, My First Smut, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2020-11-28 11:58:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 36,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20966195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herbstblatt/pseuds/Herbstblatt
Summary: "You are lying on my bed" Virgil looked at the brunette boy spread over his sheets, who didn't even react to him. Mr tanned, tall and handsome only kept on humming with his eyes closed, blending out reality completely. Virgil knew he would have a roommate, but honestly, he had expected him to be at least decent. But he already hated him from only just seeing him.Prinxiety College AU, Virgil and Roman are not happy to be roommates, but gay drama ensues :) A lot of bickering, I tried the enemies to friends to lovers trope, slow burn at its best and kinda a love triangle, but I swear its not the twilight kind.Virgil is in a toxic relationship with Deceit (or Dean as I called him) I tried and failed at letting deceit act like deceitThis fic is basically a chaotic mix of about a million Sanders Sides Posts from everywhere with a few references to other stuff





	1. - Virgil's PoV

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published work, so please feel free to give me constructive criticism.  
I am a desperate writer and live for comments and kudos, so please give me my will to live back :)

-Have you seen your new room yet?  
-Or are you still driving?  
-How’s the weather over there anyway?  
-Sweeetyyy don't ignore meee!!! D=<

Virgil sighed and put the boxes he was carrying down, knowing that he shouldn't keep ignoring the buzzing of his phone. Dean gets impatient quickly and he didn't want to risk having another fight with his boyfriend over something as trivial as this. Reading his texts he quickly responded:

-Yes :)  
-I haven't met my roommate yet, though  
-And the weather sucks  
-miss you :(

-Aww babe  
-I told you, you should have come to Starwood with me.  
-I miss you too

-I gotta finish moving all those boxes or I'll still be doing this all night  
-ttyl

-Sure, sure :|  
-Love you :))

-Love you too :D

Virgil put his phone away and grabbed his cartons, his hands already hurting from the weight. The edges were constantly cutting into his fingers, no matter how he shifted or moved his grip.  
The hallway to his room seemed to get longer every time he had to walk through it, the boxes seemingly getting heavier with each time as well. It would have been so much easier if somebody would have helped him, but his parents couldn't come because of their jobs and Dean was already in Starwood.  
Now he had to do this on his own.

He reached his room with the door already wide open, even though he could have sworn he made sure to leave it locked every single time. 

"You are lying on my bed" Virgil looked at the brunette boy spread over his sheets, who didn't even react to him. Mr tanned, tall and handsome only kept on humming with his eyes closed, blending out reality completely. Virgil knew he would have a roommate, but honestly, he had expected him to be at least decent. But he already hated him from only just seeing him. He was aware that he knew nothing about him, except that his name was Roman, as he had been informed previously, but he just couldn’t stop the hate welling up in himself.

Grumbling, Virgil set his boxes away and stepped closer, his eyes falling onto Romans earplugs, already hearing the loud music drumming out of them.  
Pulling one out and ripping Roman from his music-induced trance, he hissed: "You are on my bed, now get the fuck up"

Roman instantly shot up, staring at Virgil with wide, shocked eyes. "Who the hell do you think you are?"  
"Your roommate and you are still lying on my bed", Virgil pointed to his black hoodie which was now lying on the floor and had previously been put very consciously on that bed to make a reservation, but that dick had just thrown it onto the dirty dorm floor without a second thought.

"Oh my God", Mr dick slumped back onto Virgil's bed "You are Virgil? You gotta be kidding me. They gave me a goddamn Emo as a roommate? “

“I will literally fight you if you don’t get up this instant” 

Just let it go, Virgil. This dude is not worth ruining your day. Actually, who was he kidding? His day was already ruined.

“Alright, alright, hot topic”  
“Aww, you think I am hot” Virgil brought out his best sarcastic smile and went off to unpack, trying his best to ignore Roman as he got up and simply let himself fall onto the other bed right away again, putting his earplugs in the instant his head hit the pillow.

Unpacking went quicker than he had expected. He simply shoved all his clothes into the closet next to his bed and stuffed everything else into the drawers of his desk. He hadn’t brought along much of his stuff and the room didn’t exactly offer many opportunities to decorate anything. The window offered the perfect view of a beautiful, empty parking lot, the walls were empty and Virgil was honestly surprised that they had their own bathroom, even though it was too small to be even considered a room.  
Maybe he would bring along a poster the next time he had to drive all the way home. If he had to drive home. If he absolutely couldn't avoid driving home. And the four-hour drive was not the only reason he wanted to avoid that.

Virgil sighed deeply and finally laid down in his bed. It had been a long day. He grabbed his phone and stared at the screen for a while and then texted:

-I met my roommate earlier  
-He is an absolute dick  
-I wished you were here

-Is he hot?

-Dean, sweetie

-Just asking  
-Is he hotter than me?

-No one is hotter than you, babe

-But is he hot?

-No, but not exactly ugly either  
-Certainly not my type, don’t worry  
-But he is an absolute asshole and I can’t believe that I will have to spend at least the next year in a room with him

-Phew :)  
-I will go to bed now  
-love you  
-dream of me ;)

-goodnight :)

Virgil shut down his phone and stared at the wall for a long moment.  
He was finally here.  
No matter how shitty this day had been, he was finally here at Greenhill, the college of his dreams.  
He still couldn’t believe he’d made it.

\---

Classes were alright.  
Virgil found himself a spot in the back with no one sitting next to him. The professors were nice and the lessons were actually a little interesting. 

However, the mensa wasn’t alright. Not at all. Because all good tables had already been taken, Virgil was forced to sit right in the absolute middle of the room. Where everyone could stare at him perfectly, sitting alone on a way too big table. He could nearly smell the cliché. The lonely emo, dressed all in black, being the lone wolf because the world was oh so unfair.  
He could have thrown up.  
Virgil tried to hide in his hoodie as good as somehow possible, his headphones helping to blend out the rest of the world.

The next few days went like that, Virgil went to his classes, went to his room to eat if he couldn’t find a good spot in the mensa and generally didn’t leave his room if he didn’t have to. Then again, there was Roman.  
Their silent agreement to ignore each other as much as possible kind of worked out, but that didn’t change the fact that Roman was a horrible roommate. He left his clothes lying around, ate smelly food, used Virgil’s shampoo and sang in the shower. Loudly.  
To be honest, he wasn’t a bad singer, but that doesn’t change the fact that Roman seemingly worked as a perfect alarm to wake Virgil up, every. single. day, at exactly 5.30, even on days they both could have slept in. And Roman snored.  
Yet, Virgil simply ignored him and just kept telling himself that it wasn’t as bad as it was back at home.

However, denying your roommates existence can be quite difficult. As an example, when you walk into your room with your earplugs in, your eyes on your phone and only notice that you are in a room full of people until you are standing right in the middle of them.  
Virgil just stared at them for a moment until he realised what was happening and muttered:  
“Hi... who are you guys?”  
The one sitting on Romans bed smiled at him cheerfully. “You must be Virgil then? Romans Roommate? I am Patton and this is Logan, we got the room right opposite to yours” He held out his hand expectantly, and Virgil just took it, not knowing what to say.  
Logan just waved his hand with a quick motion and muttered a greeting with a crooked smile on his lips.  
“Nice to meet you…both. Did Roman let you two in? And, speaking of him, where is he?”  
“Oh, he just went to go get some snacks”  
“He should be back any minute” Logan pushed his glasses back.  
Virgil looked helplessly at the both of them, not knowing what to say. Yet again, he also wasn’t quite intrigued by the idea of just standing around awkwardly.  
“I’ll just go to the library then, I don’t wanna bother you guys- ” Virgil was about to leave as Patton shot up.  
“No!! You don’t bother us, you should stay, really. I mean, this is basically your room and not ours”  
“Really, dude, it’s fine, just stay”  
Virgil looked at the both of them and felt his shoulders slump, before muttering a silent “fine” and sank down onto his bed, which was at this point the only available place left to sit in this room.  
“We really should get a couch or something in here”  
Virgil had rather talked to himself, but he literally saw Patton’s eyes lighting up at his comment.  
“Oh, we really wanted to get one as well. It would make our room so much homier”  
“Yeah, but we absolutely have no space to fit one. Our room is a little smaller than yours, but at least we have a bigger bathroom”  
Logan grinned.

“Hey, they only had chilli-chips, I hope ya’ll don’t mind” Roman muttered and swayed into the room, stopping as he saw that the room was fuller than before, “When did panic!at the everywhere show up here? You know what, nevermind” He tossed Logan and Patton a small bag of potato chips each and sat down on his bed.  
“Oh, shut up Sir-Singalot, no one’s that happy to see you here either.” Virgil glared at Roman, just before catching the chips bag which Patton tossed him. “Thanks, dude”  
“No problem” Patton grabbed a handful of Logan’s chips and continued, “You know, I really can’t understand how you too can’t get along after being roommates for nearly a month now. You can’t hate each other forever”  
“Yes, we can” both Roman and Virgil hissed at him in unison.  
“Ten bucks that they’ll be banging by the end of the semester” Logan muttered, but loud enough to be heard by everyone.  
“I’m in” Logan and Patton fist-bumped and grinned at Roman and Virgil’s disturbed faces.  
“First off, no. Second off, I am already taken, so back off” Virgil hissed, instantly regretting his words.  
“Ohhh, Dr. gloom isn’t single” Roman winked sarcastically “Tell us everything about your better half, especially the details” He raised his eyebrows mockingly, enjoying every second of his newfound material.  
“Oh, shut up” Roman barely caught the pillow thrown at his face.  
“Let’s say about three months” Logan corrected himself.  
“Two” Patton stuffed another handful of chips into his mouth, “Owr eawlier”


	2. Chapter 2

Virgil looked up from his essay and out of the window. It was already dark outside and he didn’t even want to know how late it was, but he knew it had to be long after midnight.  
He finished his last paragraph quickly without bothering to proofread, sighing as he could finally lie down. He took his phone out, already smiling at the screen.

-I met the guys who live in the room opposite to mine today  
-They seemed nice  
-I actually think I could befriend them :)

-You don’t need friends though, you got me ;)  
-Or don’t you love me anymore?  
-I knew going to different colleges was a bad idea

-No, dean, of course I still love you  
-I love you more than anything  
-I just thought they were nice  
-but you are right, I have you, I don’t need them

-Sure :/

-I really do  
-How about I visit you next weekend?  
-I missed you so much those last two weeks  
-and I finally have some free time  
-we could go on a nice date :)

-Idk, I have a lot to do 

-Please? :)

-fine

“Could you shut your phone off and finally go to sleep?”, Roman grumbled at him “Who are you even texting with? Your girlfriend?”  
“No”, Virgil shot him an angry glance, but turned his phone off anyway.  
“If not your soulmate, who else would you be talking to the whole night? Or did you lie about having a girlfriend after all?”  
“No, I definitely didn’t lie. I am actually taken, even if you can’t believe it, Mr Perfect. I just don’t have a girlfriend.”  
“Oh. Oh.” After a moment of confusion Roman smiled at him. Actually smiled at him. Not the sarcastic or mocking kind, but honest and true.  
“I never expected you to be the kind of guy to have a boyfriend”  
“You got a problem with that?”  
“On the contrary, my chemically imbalanced romance” Roman stood up and walked to his closet through the darkness, cursing silently as he stubbed his toe against a chair. He opened a drawer and pulled out a giant piece of cloth and draped it around his shoulders.  
It took Virgil’s eyes a while to get accustomed to the dim light, but he soon recognised the pink, violet and blue pattern of the bisexual flag.  
“I am just waiting for my prince or princess to show up” Roman purred dramatically.  
Virgil had to snicker at that. “Welcome to the club, Sir-Singalot”  
“You really have to make up some new nicknames if you want to insult me, because I actually like that one”

\---

“Hey Virge, I nearly didn’t see you there”  
Patton slid onto the chair opposite to Virgil’s, surprising him with his sudden appearance. Virgil quickly pulled out his earplugs and put his hood down, staring a little confused at Patton’s smiling face.  
Earlier Virgil had thankfully found a table in the back of the mensa where he had been mostly hidden from sight.  
He really hadn’t expected anyone to show up and actually sit with him.  
“Virge?”, Virgil asked with a raised eyebrow, not knowing what else to say.  
“It’s a nickname. You don’t like it?”  
“That’s not the problem, it’s just…”  
“Next time please don’t hide in the absolute back”, Logan interrupted him with a stern voice, “Patton ran around the whole mensa for full five minutes until he found you” He took the seat next to Patton’s and started eating his lunch, something that looked like an unholy mix of broccoli, green sprouts and other unidentifiable greens.  
“Logan, kiddo, what are you eating?” Patton asked in a slightly terrified voice.  
“That’s called ‘a healthy meal’, something you two obviously haven’t tried in a long time” Logan pointed at Virgil’s cheeseburger and Patton’s pie with his fork.

“I might live only a short life, but at least a happy one. Not…” Patton gestured vaguely towards Logan,” …that”  
Vigil let out a little snicker but was interrupted by a certain someone showing up behind him.  
“Charlie frown, I appreciate that you have come to like my friends, but that doesn’t mean that you can ruin my meal with your presence” Roman sat down on the last free chair on the table, meaning the one next to Virgil.  
“Aww, and I thought we had a bonding moment”, Virgil mused sarcastically “Or do I have to cradle you in my arms for you to accept our love?”  
Virgil took a bite of his burger with a crooked smile, “And, jokes on you, cos Patton and Logan came to me, not the other way round. Sorry, Sir-Singalot, but your friends like me now”

“Patton, I’m gonna go with twenty bucks”  
“Make it thirty”  
“Deal”  
“Could you guys fucking stop making bets about me and Virgil? Because it’s never going to happen. Besides, Virgil is taken” Roman pointed out helpfully.  
“Fifty bucks?”  
“I’m in”  
“If you wanna do this, fine. Fifty bucks that I and Virgil will never, ever be a thing, under no circumstances”  
Virgil suddenly started laughing, “Alright, Mr Perfect, then just remember you are not allowed to fall in love with me”, he said jokingly, his eyes nearly tearing up from laughter.  
“Trust me, that won’t be a problem”  
“Sure, sure, Princey” Patton winked at Roman, who just looked back at him with a slightly disgusted and annoyed frown.  
“Princey? How the hell did you get that nickname?” Virgil looked at him with a crooked smile,” Alright, nevermind, it fits you perfectly”  
“He has not told you?” Logan looked at the two bickering boys with an honestly confused and deeply amused grin.  
“Roman auditioned for the role of the prince for the next big theatre project. The main role to be exact”  
“How dare you! It’s not just a project, it’s so much more, it’s…”  
“Well anyway, since he auditioned for the main role and only the main role, it means he is basically one of more than a hundred contestants, fighting over this role and is still absolutely sure that he will get the part. And it is important to note that the main role has never been given to a first-year, like ever, since our college started the theatre program.”  
“The role of the prince is perfect for me and I will get it”  
“Sure, Princey” Virgil mused.

~

The rest of the week went by peacefully. Virgil got along well with Logan and Patton, and he and Roman kept insulting each other at every opportunity. Virgil seemed to be happier than he had been in a long time.  
However, even Roman noticed that Virgil’s mood got worse and worse the more the weekend neared. He was stressed and his thoughts were constantly somewhere else, his nails chewed up on a horrible level.  
On Saturday it got so bad not even Roman could ignore the poor boy pacing through their room, nearly ripping his hair out.  
“Come on, what’s wrong Virgil?” Roman finally gave in, giving his roommate a worried glance.  
“It’s Dean, I- I just” Virgil started pacing even faster, pulling at his hair with both his hands.  
“Dude, chill” Roman stood up and grabbed Virgil by the shoulders, forcing him to stop.  
“First off, sit down and breathe. Then tell me what’s wrong, calmly.”  
Virgil hesitated for a moment, but finally nodded and slumped onto his bed.

“So, who the hell is Dean?”  
“Dean is my boyfriend”  
“Did he break up with you? Do you want me to beat him up?” Roman offered jokingly, but his voice seemed a little bit too stern.  
“No, he did not, he -, I- “  
“Virgil, tell me”  
“We haven’t seen each other in weeks” Virgil started” Because of different colleges and all that, and it’s having a bad impact on our relationship, we are constantly fighting without any reasons and I- I just want us to work again, you know? And we are having a date this evening, but I am just so scared. What if I can’t fix us? What if he decides to break up with me?”  
Virgil started panicking again, pulling at his strands.

“Stop that” Roman softly patted away Virgil’s hand “How much time have we got?”  
Virgil looked at him hesitantly for a moment, then muttered “It takes an hour and a half by car, which means about three hours by public transport” He looked at his watch “And my bus goes in- Oh my god, in five minutes, I have to-“  
“Shut up” Roman glared at him “So basically, instead of getting ready you have been panicking all morning?”  
Virgil nodded, “Roman, I don’t have time for this- “

“Yes, you do” Roman pulled out his keys from his pocket and tossed them to Virgil. “You can have my car, which means I still have about an hour to fix this mess”  
He gestured vaguely towards Virgil, who only gapped at him.  
“Thanks, dude, but you-“  
“Shush. Just please keep your clothes on in my car, I don’t want to have to chemically cleanse it just because you and your boyfriend couldn’t wait” 

Virgil only kept gaping, Roman continuing before he could say anything.  
“Now, we have stuff to do. Let’s make sure that your date will be an absolute success. First off, get a shower. Your hair is a greasy mess”  
“Roman, I- “ Virgil muttered, still not believing Roman is actually helping him.  
“Shush. Shower, now” Roman pointed towards their bathroom, and Virgil simply complied, too much at loss of words to say anything.

He came out a few minutes later, a towel draped loosely around his hips, his hair clean and wet.  
“Alright, now for your clothes” Roman picket up Virgil’s hoodie from the floor and smelled at it “You can put this back on, it really fits you” He pressed it into Virgil’s hands “In a weird way, but it fits. And I know you have been wearing it for four days straight, but for some magical reasons you don’t have any body odour. And as for your jeans”, He pointed at the piece of clothing on the floor, “As your roommate, I know how long you have worn it without washing it and at this point I recommend you burn it because there is no other way to deal with this health hazard. Do you actually have any clean ones?”  
He went over to Virgil’s closet without waiting for an actual reaction and pulled his drawers open, instantly closing them again.  
“Alright, that’s a helpless case” Roman went over to his own and started to rip out several pieces of clothing until he found what he was looking for.  
He pulled out a black jean with several cuts over the tights, knees and lower legs.  
“This one should fit you” He threw it at Virgil who barely caught it, still staring at Roman speechlessly.  
“Get dressed, later I’ll fix your hair and make-up”  
“Roman, I don’t wear any make- “  
“Shush, MCR, now is not the time to start denying your love for eyeshadow, I know you put it on every day. Now. Get. Dressed.” 

Roman grinned happily at Virgil, his hard work finally starting to take shape. His hair was still a mess and Virgil would have to work on his posture, but at least Roman seemed to have calmed his emo mess down.  
“Now come over here, you emo panda, so I can fix your makeup”  
Virgil glared at him with the most annoyed, toxic expression he could bring up, but sat down next to him anyway.  
“I have been in theatre long enough to know what I am doing, stop glaring at me, sunshine”  
Roman started to work on Virgil’s face, using basically the same makeup Virgil would have used anyway, but applied it with a steadier hand, adding a little more or less on certain spots, letting it have the same effect on his face, but make it less obvious that he was actually wearing any makeup.  
“Look, not so bad is it?” Roman took out his phone and used its camera function as a mirror, letting it capture Virgil’s astonished expression.  
“I really underestimated you, Roman” Virgil said sincerely, but quickly added with a smirk:” You really are a lot gayer than I at first expected”

At that Roman let out a surprised cough. “I am literally helping you to get ready for your date with your boyfriend. Isn’t there a saying about a certain glasshouse, no?” He jokingly punched Virgil’s shoulder and both started laughing in unison.  
“Now let’s get your hair dry so I can fix that, too, my poor emo mess”  
He went to get his hairdryer, but Virgil only raised his eyebrow.  
“My hair is pretty short; it’ll easily be dry by the time I am in Starwood”  
“Sure, you can let it dry in the car, but I doubt that you would enjoy looking like a depressed, punk Merida by tomorrow”  
Virgil stared confusedly at Roman for a moment, before realising what he was planning.  
“Princey, you are not gonna braid my hair”  
“Yes, I will. Because I said that I would make sure that your date will be a success, and that’s exactly what I am doing”  
“What exactly does that have to do with my date?” Virgil started to back away, careful to stay at least an arm's length away from Roman.  
“Oh, please Virgil”, Roman nearly looked insulted, “I know how to make people look so cute that there is no way that anyone would break up with them”, he said while winking mockingly.

Roman just forgot to mention that the main reason for all this was to distract Virgil from his anxiety.  
Feeling a little embarrassed because of his hairstyle, or just a little more comfortable because of clean clothes and well-done makeup is better than absolutely panicking because of that stupid date.  
And since panic at the everywhere stopped pacing, looked more or less relaxed and was back to bickering with Roman instead of pulling his hair out, it seemed to be working.  
“I gave you my car keys but there is no way that you’ll figure out where I parked my car on time, so you better sit down and let me do your hair, Brad Pitiful”  
Virgil’s jaw dropped open, “You wouldn’t dare”  
“Either you keep backing out and find out how much I would dare, or you sit yourself down, Merida”  
He hesitated for a moment, but Virgil finally sat down with an exasperated sigh.  
Roman didn’t say anything, but even with his back turned Virgil knew that he had that dammed smirk all over his face.  
After making sure it was absolutely dry, Roman started to softly braid Virgil’s black hair, careful not to tug at any strands or braid too tightly.

“Better, no?” Roman stood with Virgil in front of their small bathroom mirror and he didn’t even try to hide the shit-eating grin spread all over his face.  
“Roman, I-”, Virgil turned his head left and right, unable to realise that it’s actually himself he was looking at. “Thank you”  
“You still have some time, but you should better get going. Better early than late” Roman pressed his car keys into Virgil’s hands again, starting to shove him out of the room. “Don’t forget your bag, and do you know that small flower shop in the city? You might wanna visit that. Now go you chemically imbalanced romance” 

“Roman, wait”, Virgil hesitated for a second, standing in the doorway “Don’t take this the wrong way, but why did you help me?”  
Roman shrugged his shoulders.  
“I am used to saving my little brothers dates on a last-second notice, because he is just as much of a gay mess as you are”, he grinned at Virgil with a crooked smirk, “And I doubt that I could handle you being even more depressed after a ruined date, which it would have inevitably been if I hadn’t stepped in”  
With that last sarcastic comment he shoved his roommate out of the door, winking at him.


	3. Chapter 3

Virgil instantly found Romans car, bright red and in plain sight. Turns out Roman was better at bluffing than Virgil had expected at first.  
It was the kind of car that didn’t look too expensive, but was still expensive enough to show that Roman hadn’t paid for it himself.  
Virgil let out a sigh and sat down on the drivers’ seat, revving the engine. He really owed a lot to Roman because of this.

\---

The drive was longer than Virgil had expected as traffic had been horrible, but he still knew that he would be on time, thanks to Roman making sure that he’d left early enough. Knowing himself he would have probably left at last seconds notice and in the end, have gotten horribly late. 

He didn’t want to jinx it, but it still looked as if he might even be early, he just hoped that the yellow tulips he had gotten for Dean would survive the long drive without getting spots. 

However, traffic eased up soon, and before Virgil even realised it, he was standing in front of Deans dorm room, absolutely frozen.

He knew it hadn’t been that long since they had seen each other but it had felt like an eternity. And those few weeks apart had been horrible. They had kept in contact daily, of course, through Skype, WhatsApp, calls and every other way to communicate over a long distance.  
But they had fought.  
A lot.  
Not being beside each other every day, not being able to touch the other or even properly talk to each other had made everything so complicated. They were used to going into the same class in Highschool, living barely a short walk away. Now it was hardly possible to find a weekend on which both of them aren’t completely busy with college, having to get used to a new environment and a new lifestyle.

But now Virgil was standing in front of his door and was absolutely frozen in place. He couldn’t knock, he couldn’t move or even go away.

Now all this panic he had felt all morning and hadn’t thought of since was just washing over him, rendering him incapable of even thinking.  
What if he breaks up with you?  
What if he’d found someone new here? Someone who isn’t living a nearly two-hour drive away? Someone he could see every day and be happy with?  
It felt suffocating. Virgil needed Dean, and, no matter how painful it was, he preferred having constant fights with him over not having him at all. 

“How long are you going to stare at that door?”  
Virgil shot around to whoever just approached him, suppressing his fight or flight instincts, which started to kick in.  
For a moment both just stared at each other. 

The guy was not that kind of person you would expect to be attending one of the most prestigious colleges the country has to offer.  
Not with his greenish, greyish hair and a fashion style that was more than questionable.

“How long have you been standing there?”, Virgil asked instead of answering his question.  
“Long enough”, He looked at Virgil with such a blank poker face that it actually got a little bit creepy. “You have to be Virgil then? Dean mentioned that you would show up today”  
Virgil only nodded, still confused with this weird interaction.  
“So, you, uhm, know Dean?”  
“Yeah, I’m his roomie”, He winked at Virgil, “Remus. Pleased ta meet ya Virgil”  
Remus held out his hand and Virgil hesitantly took it.  
Remus, on the other hand, did not hesitate to rip open the door to his room and scream: ” Hey, Dee! Your boyfriend is here!”  
Virgil tried to stop him, tried telling him that he wasn’t ready yet, but he already heard Deans voice coming out of the room.  
“Remus stop screaming, what did you even-“ Dean showed up on the doorstep and instantly halted as he laid his eyes upon Virgil.  
For a moment the two just looked at each other. 

Finally seeing Dean again, seeing the surprise and joy in his eyes made Virgil melt.  
His panic, his fears, everything just evaporated.  
And without further hesitation Dean charged towards his boyfriend and clashed their lips together, a kiss so desperate, so loving and needy.  
After they had to pull apart for breath Dean looked him deep into his eyes, with an expression that made Virgil realise that he had been worried all this time for no reason at all, and whispered softly into his ear, “I missed you”  
“I missed you too, Dee”  
Virgil smiled at him, but suddenly his expression changed and he cursed silently under his breath. “Oh god, I nearly forgot”  
He pulled the now absolutely crushed tulips out between them and shyly handed them over to Dean “I managed to keep them alive during the drive but that had been good for nothing now, I suppose”

“Those are wonderful!” Dean buried his face in the soft petals, smiling brightly at Virgil, who couldn’t stop grinning over his whole face either.  
“You like them?”  
“Of course, I do, Idiot. They are perfect”  
Dean pressed another small kiss to his cheek and reached for his hand.

Virgil suddenly shot around to Remus, who was still standing right next to them, happily chewing on something that at first resembled popcorn, but Virgil had to realise that it was, in fact, not popcorn.  
"What the actual fuck, Dude?"  
Dean too seemed to have forgotten that his roommate was standing right next to them.  
"Oh god, just ignore this creep. Wanna get out of here?"  
Virgil nodded with a glance at Remus.

\---

"I reserved a table at this really fancy restaurant right around the corner, you will absolutely love it"  
Dean grabbed Virgil's hand and pulled him after himself, rambling about how much he loved the place.

"Dee, sweety, you know that my parents don't give me nearly as much money as yours give you, I can barely afford to eat at a regular restaurant"  
"Oh come on, it's not that *expensive*"  
Virgil gave Dean an apologetic look, but he couldn't change anything about his financial situation.  
"Well, alright. I'll just pay for you this time" Dean kept pulling Virgil, soon stopping in front of one of the probably fanciest Thai restaurants Virgil has ever seen.  
"Dee, you do know that I don't like Thai? As in not at all?"  
Virgil raised his eyebrow with a hesitant frown. He had mentioned that fact several times already and couldn't believe he had already forgotten.  
"Virge, you worry too much. You will love it!"  
Dean pulled him into the restaurant and Virgil didn't resist. He didn't see the point in fighting Dean now and maybe he was right, maybe he would enjoy it.

A waiter brought them to their table, while not even trying to hide the disapproval in his expression.  
Virgil wasn't sure if he looked at them like that because of their age or because of homophobia, most likely both. Dean didn't seem to notice it.  
He brought them their menus and lit the candle on their desk, frowning at Virgil while doing so, who only snarled back at him.

But it wasn't only the waiter, somehow everyone in the goddamn room stared at them without any shame.  
Yes, they were gay.  
Yes, they were at least fifteen years younger than everyone else in here.  
But those weren't the only reasons they all stared at them.  
Because everyone's gaze seemed to stick just a little bit too long on Deans face.  
Yes, he had a big scar all over his face.  
But that was no excuse for staring at him like that.  
It was not his fault that nearly half his face got burned in an accident when he was little and it made him no different from everyone else.  
And, if Virgil was asked, it made Dean only more special, more extraordinary.  
He really wanted to fight everyone in the goddamn room.

"Just ignore them, sweety", Dean didn't even look up from his menu, "The people might be horrible in here but the food is worth it"  
Virgil only grumbled. This environment wasn't exactly the best for his social anxiety. It had gotten better in the last few years, but he still didn't exactly enjoy such situations.

"You look really adorable today", Dean smiled at him and gestured towards Virgil's hairstyle, "I didn't know you could braid. You should do it more often, it's cute"  
Virgil smiled shyly and blushed, muttering without thinking.  
"Actually, my roommate braided it for me", Virgil played with a free strand and looked back up to Dean, instantly realising he shouldn't have said that.  
His expression had changed from smiling to absolutely disgusted within a second.  
"You really let another man touch you?"  
Deans voice was absolutely cold and loud enough to make sure that literally everyone stared at them.  
"Dee, god no, I am so sorry, I swear, I-"  
But then Dean’s expression changed again, turning soft.  
He stood up and stepped over to Virgil.  
"Don't worry I'll fix it", without waiting for a reaction he started to open the braid, scolding him like a child. "You really have to think more before you just let someone touch you like that, you know?"  
Virgil winced as Dean tugged at his strands, sending a bolt of pain down his spine. He just stared down, letting Dee work at his hair. He didn’t even try to be gentle.  
Virgil’s face burned with shame, he clenched his hands in his lap, trying so badly to stop them from shaking. He hadn't felt so embarrassed, so ashamed and humiliated in a long time.  
But he tried his best to ignore the muttering around them. Tried and failed. 

He was so stupid to have believed Roman. He should have known that Dean would get jealous. Now it's all his fault that they had made such a scene.  
"Better", Dean muttered and smiled at him softly while sitting back down, "I never liked that braid anyway"

One of the waiters came over to them because of the tumult, most likely to throw them out, but Dean didn't even give him a chance to say anything and instantly ordered for both of them, then telling the waiter to hurry up when he hadn't reacted quickly enough. Seemingly Dean had managed to puzzle him enough that the waiter just gave up on trying to throw them out and retreated to the kitchen.

\---

Virgil ate his food in silence, sometimes half-heartedly nodding along to one of Deans comments or agreeing with him quietly.  
He barely got any of his food down, he had lost his appetite and it only tasted bitter.  
Dee seemed so cheerful at seeing him again, yet Virgil couldn’t even really enjoy his boyfriend’s presence.  
The dinner seemed to go on eternally and Virgil was more than relieved when they finally got out of there.

The cold night air felt amazing on Virgil’s skin, but not even the fresh breeze was enough to calm him down completely.  
“What’s wrong, sweety?”, Dean took Virgil’s hand and leaned against his shoulder, “Why are you so tense?”  
He sighed and looked at his boyfriend, trying to just be happy to be here with him, to be grateful and appreciate what he had, but he was just so exhausted. He felt like he was suffocating.  
“It has been just a long day”  
Dean kissed him on the cheek and Virgil leaned into it, letting out a strangled breath.  
“How about we go back and make ourselves a good evening, no?”  
Virgil forced himself to smile and nodded.

\---

“Remus, could you sleep at Emile’s today?”, Dean opened the door to his dorm room and gently nudged Virgil inside, “You know, give me and my boyfriend some privacy?”  
Remus raised an eyebrow but didn’t move a single muscle.  
“You know, I wouldn’t mind-“  
“Fuck off, Remus”, Dean stared at him with so much hatred that even Mr Garbage Man realised that he wasn’t wanted here.  
“Alrighty, Dee, Picani is more fun to be around anyway”  
Remus grabbed a jacket and jumped up, mumbling something incoherent as he walked past Dean and slammed the door behind him as he left.

“I am really sorry because of Remus, he is a chill dude, but he is really weird if you are not used to him”  
“It’s alright, but you didn’t have to throw him out just because of me-“  
“Virgil, sweety, it really wouldn’t be appropriate to have him in here while I enjoy a night with my boyfriend after such a long time of being apart~” Dean mused.  
He hugged him from behind, his skilled hands slowly wandering up under his hoodie.  
Virgil backed away a just the littlest bit. “I am sorry, Dee, but I am really on edge today and I can’t-“  
“Oh, come on”, Dean placed a kiss in the crook of his shoulder, one of his hands trailing down slowly “You wouldn’t deny me this, would you?”  
He left little bites and kisses and licks all over Virgil’s shoulder and neck, making sure to leave little marks and hickeys, hitting all of his boyfriend’s weak spots.  
“I love you so much”, He breathed against his skin, softly biting and tugging at his boyfriend's earlobe, letting his hot breath ghost against his skin.  
At that, Virgil melted, not resisting as Dean began to pull up his hoodie and unbuckle his belt.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not sorry.

Virgil got back to Greenhill on late Sunday evening, exhaustedly strolling into his room just to find it full with people again.  
“Patton, move over”, Virgil muttered, falling straight onto his bed as Patton slid to the edge.  
“Hey, guys”, Virgil’s voice was muffled through his pillow, his body absolutely limb.  
Both Logan and Patton greeted him back, whereas Roman just started to snicker, “Didn’t get much sleep last night, did you?”  
“Logan, could you please throw a pillow at Princey’s face?”, Virgil groaned, “I am literally too exhausted to move”  
“That’s what he sa-“, Roman mused before getting hit by a pillow from Logan.  
“Thanks, Lo.”

“So, Virge, I suspect your date went well?” Patton mused cheekily.  
Virgil didn’t answer, only raised a thumbs up from where he was lying motionlessly.  
“Did he like the flowers?” Roman asked, seemingly actually interested.  
“Uh-huh”  
“Did you get there on time?”  
“Uh-huh. Early even”  
“Did he like the braid?” Roman grinned all over his face, knowing that his work really had suited him.  
But at that Virgil hesitated just a moment too long, before muttering the same, exhausted “Uh-huh”  
At that, he felt how Patton shifted on the mattress next to him.  
“You had a braid?” He sounded like a child who just realised that someone had eaten the last cookie, “And you didn’t even show me?”  
Virgil grumbled and sat up while pulling his phone out.  
“Calm down, dude. I think I took a picture” He scrolled through his phone and turned it around, showing Patton a selfie he had made shortly before going into the restaurant.  
The screen showed Virgil grinning all over his face, the braid clearly visible, while Dean kissed him on the cheek, his scar facing the camera.  
“Aww! Is that Dean? You two are such an adorable couple!”  
“Not a bad catch, creepy cookie” Roman muttered as he yanked Virgil’s phone out of his hands.  
“Give. Back. My. Phone. Now”, Virgil nearly jumped at him, while Roman calmly scrolled through his pictures, keeping a safe distance between the two of them.  
“I will fight you, Princey”  
Roman glanced back up at Virgil, noticing just the tiniest spot at this neck which his hoodie had covered until then.  
Seeing his chance, he held out Virgil’s phone to him, a smile hushing over his face. And as he stepped closer to take his phone back Roman quickly reached out and pulled his hoodie from his shoulder, revealing a big hickey and several smaller ones, and something that seemed to be bite marks.  
“Oh la la, Sunshine likes it rough”  
Virgil instantly pulled his hoodie back over his shoulder and neck, growling at Roman.  
“Roman, I swear to God, give me back my phone, now”  
“Give me back my car keys and you can have your phone”, he muttered without looking up, already looking through Virgil’s gallery again.  
Virgil muttered something incoherent at that, pulling out and tossing the keys back. “Don’t worry, I refilled the tank” And as he got his phone handed back, he quickly added with a smirk, “And Roman, you got really comfortable backseats, I gotta say”  
Romans face went blank.  
He looked at Virgil with utter shock.  
“You did not you son of a- “, Roman took a deep breath, folding his hands over his mouth, “You know what, I won’t descend so low and insult your mother” He looked at Virgil with a sincere look, “You straight person”  
“TAKE THAT BACK YOU SON OF A BITCH”  
At that Logan and Patton burst out laughing, the latter one falling from Virgil’s bed in his hysterical outburst.  
Both Roman and Virgil joined in, their bickering already forgotten.

\---

“I really should go to bed, we got an exam coming up tomorrow” Patton muttered tiredly, Logan nodding and standing up as well.  
“See you tomorrow guys”

\---

Roman glanced over to where Virgil was lying through the dark of their room, both obviously not asleep.  
“What’s wrong Virge?”  
“Nothing’s wrong, I just had a long weekend” He muttered tonelessly.  
“Dude, I am not stupid, and something is wrong”  
Virgil turned towards Roman, only raising an eyebrow.  
“You ignored the buzzing of your phone all day, even though you usually jump at the first sign that your boyfriend might have texted you. And, I have been your roommate long enough to know when you are in a good mood and when you are absolutely miserable.”  
Roman offered Virgil a worried glance, who simply stayed silent.  
“I won’t force you to talk about it, but if you need someone to talk to, I can always offer an ear”  
Virgil sat up and slumped against his headboard, silently cursing.  
“Do you really mean that?” Virgil asked helplessly, glancing over to Roman who nodded encouragingly at him.  
Virgil still hesitated for a moment, but then sighed deeply.  
So he told him.  
Everything.  
He talked about his anxiety he felt while standing in front of Deans room, told him about how he made him go to a restaurant he could neither afford nor like, about how Dean had made a scene in front of the whole restaurant and humiliated him so badly. About how everything triggered him so badly.  
He couldn’t tell him about how Dean touched him even though he had tried to say no continuously.  
However, he told him what happened afterwards.  
“When Dean fell asleep, I- “, Virgil swept a hand through his bangs, already starting to shake at just the memory “I had a panic attack. A really bad one. That’s why I haven’t slept at all last night. That’s why I nearly didn’t make it back because I was basically incapable of driving in the morning. That’s why I am in such a horrible state and I can’t- “, Virgil held out his hands, trying to hold them still, but watching as he kept on shaking, his voice starting to break.  
“God, it has been so long since my last anxiety attack”  
Virgil kept on talking, telling Roman about how miserable he was, because at this point, he was too wretched to give a shit.  
But Roman listened.  
His mimic changed from shocked to worried or angry from time to time, but he kept on listening without interrupting him.  
And when Virgil finished and looked so wrecked and heartbroken Roman muttered softly: “Virgil, I won’t ask you whether you are alright, because you are obviously not, but I hope you know that you can always talk to me or ask me for help if you need it” After a moment of hesitation he added, “Is there any way I can help?”  
Virgil buried his shaking hands in the pockets of his hoodie, looking away from Roman.  
“Could you hug me?”, his voice sounded so vulnerable Roman nearly melted.  
He opened his arms invitingly, Virgil crawling out of his bed and into Romans open arms.  
Roman cradled him softly, muttering calming little things while stroking soothing circles over Virgil’s back.

“You deserve someone better than Dean” Virgil stayed silent, curling up a little bit more in Romans arms, “Because no one deserves to be treated the way he treats you”  
“He just had a bad weekend. I will just have to figure out how to fix us” Virgil muttered with a broken voice and Roman realised he shouldn’t push that topic anymore. That any more arguments about their obviously toxic relationship would just make him feel worse in his already bad shape.  
So he just kept cradling Virgil while talking to him softly.


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the week went by peacefully. Virgil seemed to have calmed down, though Dean obviously still stressed him out. Even Roman noticed that they got into more and more fights, however, he knew he only noticed a small amount.  
Virgil didn't want to talk about it, but Roman knew what impact all that had on him.  
Yes, Virgil kept on joking with Logan and Patton, yes, he smiled every now and then, but Roman knew that he was not alright.  
He wanted to help him so badly but there was nothing he could have done.

And even though Virgil was the main reason Roman was worried and on edge, he wasn't his only reason.

It took exceptionally long for the cast of their play to be chosen.  
This role meant unbelievably much to him and his future as an actor and he simply had to be cast as the main role. He had to.  
It would open countless possibilities and give him a kickstart into his career. Greenhill’s theatre group had an amazing reputation and they usually even played in some bigger cities.  
However, days went by and neither Roman nor any of the other contestants received any feedback on whether they had been cast or not.  
And with each day that passed, everyone got more and more anxious to see the new cast.

It had been a long day as Roman’s last class finally ended and it was already dark when he finally got to walk back to his room. He was so exhausted he nearly didn’t see the envelope which was lying in front of his door.  
However, all tiredness instantly left his body as he laid his eyes on the white paper. He ripped the envelope open with shaking hands, reading the letter as if his life depended on it. Then again. And again.  
He refused to believe his eyes.  
Just stared at the page.

He had gotten the role.

He was the first first-year who had gotten the main role in the history of Greenhill.

He nearly screamed with joy.  
Roman instantly ripped open the door to his room, storming in and wanting to shout the news at Virgil.  
However, he couldn’t get a single word out.  
He only looked at Virgil.  
Only looked at the crying mess curled up on his bed, shaking and weeping.  
“Oh my god, Virgil, what happened?” Roman sprinted to him, kneeling down in front of him.  
Virgil let out a high pitched tone as he saw Roman, trying to stifle his sobs.  
“Roman, he-, he-“ Virgil’s voice broke, his thin body shaking even more, “Roman, he broke up with me”  
Virgil looked at Roman, his eyes red and overflowing with tears, his makeup a smudged mess.  
“After more than three years he broke up with me with a text message”, Virgil stammered, tears continuing to flow.  
Roman stared at him with shock.  
A text message.  
After such a long relationship Dean broke up with him and didn’t even face him to do so.  
A fucking text message.  
Roman swore to God and all that is holy that he would beat that fucker up.

He didn’t know what he should say.  
He only draped his arms around Virgil, the shaking mess burying his face in Romans shoulder while sobbing silently.  
They stayed like that for some time until Virgil started to calm down, his breathing evening out and his body stopping to shake.

“Come here Virgil, let me show you something” Roman suddenly stood up, going over to their window. He opened it, letting a cool breeze in and climbed onto the windowsill. He held out his hand to Virgil and muttered encouragingly, “You’ll just have to trust me on this one”  
Virgil hesitated for a moment but slowly took Romans hand, climbing up next to him.  
Suddenly Roman grabbed the edge of the roof, hoisting himself up and holding his hand out to Virgil.  
“Come up here, it’s worth it”  
Virgil hesitantly grabbed Romans hand and let him pull him up.

“Look” Roman pointed up to the sky, sitting down on the warm tiles. It was already dark and the stars painted a beautiful artwork over the night sky.  
It was a breathtaking view.  
“I grew up in a big city and basically never got to see a real starry night. However, out of here, in the middle of nowhere, it’s really different”  
Virgil sat down right next to him and stared up at the stars, his eyes wide and full of wonder.  
Roman watched with a small smile as the cold night air started to dry his tears while Virgil looked up into the sky.  
“It’s beautiful, Roman”  
An especially cold wind suddenly came out and forced Virgil to drape his arms around himself, his shirt simply not offering enough warmth.  
“Sorry, I should have mentioned that it’s cold up here this late before I kidnapped you”, Roman smiled and unzipped the red and white sweater he was wearing, putting it over Virgil’s shoulders. Pulling Virgil closer to him and rubbing his arms to warm him up.  
“Better?”  
Virgil seemed to be surprised by their sudden closeness at first but then leaned onto Roman.  
“Better.”  
Virgil let his head slump against Romans's shoulder, enjoying the heat he gave off while breathing in the cold night air.  
“I didn’t deserve to be treated that way”  
Roman leaned his head against Virgil’s, sighing deeply.  
“You deserve someone so much better, Virgil”  
Virgil looked back up to Roman, their faces now only inches away.  
And when he moved slightly closer, Roman leaned in as well.

Virgil’s lips were soft and warm and everything Roman had ever wanted.  
He kissed Virgil as if he had starved for him his whole life, his whole nervous system buzzing, his body burning wherever they touched.  
He kissed him as if he wanted to show him just how much all this meant to him, wanted him to know how perfect this was.  
Only now Roman realized for how long he had already wanted to feel Virgil’s lips pressed against his own. For how long he had already needed Virgil’s lips pressed against his own.  
And when Virgil softly bit down on his lower lip, he let out a small moan, Virgil instantly pulling back, the sudden noise breaking the spell.

He stared at Roman with his eyes ripped wide open, full of panic and shock and overthinking.  
“Roman, I am so sorry, I shouldn’t have kissed you, I shouldn’t have- oh god I am so sorry”, Virgil jumped up and basically ran away, climbing back into their room at a dangerous pace, a door slamming loudly a moment later.

Roman knew he should have run after him, stopped him, told him he had wanted that as well.  
But his brain was still too overwhelmed to function, his only thoughts were a constant loop of their kiss.  
Virgil Virgil Virgil Virgil Virgil Virgil  
He had kissed Virgil.  
His heart felt as if it was about to combust, his lips still tingling from the sensation.

He laid back onto the warm tiles, not feeling the freezing cold air anymore.  
And as Roman looked up into the unending sky and its restless wonders, he realised just how many feelings he had for Virgil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You think this chapter indicates a happy end to come soon?  
*giggles*  
Oh, sorry, um  
*keeps giggling* *coughs*  
No.


	6. Chapter 6

“Guys, I-“ Roman stormed into Patton and Logan’s room without knocking, ripping their door open and catching their attention instantly with his sudden appearance.  
Roman had charged into their room because he was just too overwhelmed with all his feelings, he had needed to talk to someone, to anyone, but as both of them looked at him a thought crossed his mind –   
They had known. They had known from the beginning and they had been right. About him and Virgil.

But Roman wasn’t willing to admit that, especially not to them.  
Not willing to look stupid for storming into their room for no reason either, Roman shouted out the first thought that crossed his mind:  
“Guys, I am the prince” 

There was a moment of confused silence as both of them looked at him. Roman himself was just the littlest bit confused aswell – God, he had completely forgotten about that. He had been cast as the prince. He had done it. He had written history.  
“Guys, I got cast as the prince” 

Another moment of silence, but this time not because of confusion, but because of utter amazement.  
“You WHAT” Logan shouted.  
“That’s fucking amazing, Roman!” Patton jumped up and grabbed Roman’s hands, beaming at him with a broad smile.  
“Patton, you What” Logan stared at Patton with a mix of emotions in his expression. Confusion and proudness part of them.  
“When will preparations start? Have you already seen your costume? Who else has been cast?” Patton asked without taking a single breath, the boy nearly vibrating with newfound energy.  
“Are we going to ignore that Patton just said ‘fuck’?” Logan still stared at his roommate with utter confusion and amazement.  
Roman hastily answered all their questions, his own excitement welling up inside him. Because of everything he had completely forgotten about all this and now he was finally able to process everything – and it was overwhelming.  
He had gotten cast as his dream role, he had kissed Virgil - he had everything he ever wanted.

\---

“Virgil, there you are!” 

After Roman had talked to Logan and Patton, he had gone back to his room, finding it empty, Virgil surprisingly not sitting on his bed as he always did. So Roman had gone to look for him – everywhere. 

Roman had finally spotted him as Virgil just turned around a corner in a hallway with his eyes focused on his phone, not reacting until Roman called his name.  
Hearing his voice Virgil’s eyes shot up, the look of panic returning to his face as he saw Roman.  
And he turned around.  
Virgil turned around and quickly walked back into the hallway he had just came out of, his fast steps echoing through the silence.

Roman stopped dead in his tracks.  
He had been so happy to finally find Virgil, hoping to be able to talk to him, hoping to be able to tell him what he felt – but he had turned his back on him.  
He had walked away from him.  
And now Roman felt as if his insides were being crushed, his heart being shredded, the air pressed out of his lungs.   
He felt as if someone was punching him repeatedly and even worse.

After all that had happened, he hadn’t expected Virgil to dump him like that. 

Roman would have understood if Virgil had told him that he was not interested – or at least he thought he would have understood.   
If Virgil had just said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship this close after his breakup, or if he didn’t feel the same as Roman did.

However, seeing him turn his back on him without any explanations or empathy was too much.  
Roman felt as if he was suffocating while he was still breathing.  
He felt as if he needed to scream until there was nothing left inside of him to scream out, he felt as if he needed to punch a wall until he bled, until he broke his knuckles, his wrist and every bone in his arm. Because even that would hurt less than seeing Virgil walk away from him like that.

Roman just stood there in that empty hallway and stared at where Virgil had been, not moving, not thinking.

At one point he returned to their room.  
Virgil wasn’t there.  
He fell into his bed and buried his head in his pillow, not suppressing the urge to scream and simply let it out.  
He didn’t remember falling asleep, but Roman woke up in the middle of the night when Virgil snuck into his bed.  
He didn’t even acknowledge him and closed his eyes again, his chest bursting with too much pain and emotion to say anything.  
When Roman woke up in the morning Virgil was already gone.

\---

“What did you even fight about?”   
Roman only grumbled instead of answering Logan’s question, not even looking up from his script while he kept shoving fries into his mouth, trying to learn his lines.  
“Come on, kiddo, it can’t be so bad” Patton kept looking around the mensa, trying to spot Virgil in the crowd “You two can’t avoid each other forever”   
“I don’t even try to avoid him, Mr. Emo Nightmare is the one who refuses to acknowledge my existence”   
“It’s still really bothersome only being able to hang around one of you two at a time, and we can’t even choose a side since we have no clue what all this is about”   
“How about you just ask Dr. Gloom why he is acting that way” Roman slammed his script shut and stood up, deciding that he couldn’t study around here anyway.  
He ignored Patton and Logan’s complaints as he walked away, simply too worked up to care.

He knew his friends didn’t deserve to be treated that way, he knew, and he felt horrible for it. But he could barely control his temper those last few days, his rogue emotions and feelings throwing him off.

It just was all too much for him.  
It was too painful to live in the same room as Virgil, wanting to talk to him so badly, wanting to kiss him so badly. But Virgil didn’t even look at him.   
Roman didn’t know where he was, but his roommate usually managed to stay away from him, getting back late after Roman fell asleep and already being gone when he woke up.  
And when they happened to meet each other on campus, usually because of Patton and Logan, Virgil instantly turned around when he saw Roman and walked away, leaving Roman to feel horrible and lonely every time.

If he knew what he had done wrong he could at least apologise, but Virgil kept on denying his entire existence.  
But he wanted to apologise so badly, because even if Roman couldn’t have Virgil, losing a friend was even worse. Losing his best friend was worse.  
If it meant they could be friends again Roman was willing to dump all his feelings into the trash, drowning them out or getting rid of them any other way.  
But he just couldn’t.  
Because each time he laid his eyes upon Virgil, he just wanted to cradle his face in his hands, place his lips on his face and tell him how much he loved him. And every time Virgil drowned out everything that was in his head, only leaving butterflies in his stomach and an unbearable pain of knowing that they would never be together in his chest.

All that made Roman an absolute mess.  
And he didn’t know how to deal with it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slight NSFW warning, very explicit but everyone stays dressed

“Roman”  
Virgil was straddling Romans lab, pressing soft kisses to his mouth, lapping at his lips.  
His arms were wrapped around him, setting Romans skin on fire wherever he touched him.  
Roman was too overwhelmed by the behaviour of his roommate to move, he only sat there, enjoying the burning feeling of Virgil’s lips, the feeling of the smaller boy pressing his body against his own, slowly grinding their bodies together.  
Virgil softly bit into Romans lush lip, leaving him to moan and pull Virgil even closer, one hand gripping his waist and the other one tangled up tightly in Virgil’s soft hair. Virgil used his chance to invade Romans mouth with his tongue, lapping at him as if he had starved for this moment his entire life.  
Roman let out a soft whine as Virgil abandoned his lips, but it was soon replaced with a deep moan as Virgil placed countless small licks and kisses along Roman’s jawline, his neck and his shoulder, Virgil finding all those sweet sensitive spots and absolutely abusing them.  
“Roman”  
Virgil’s voice was soft and breathless as his back arched against Roman, pressing those two closer if that was even possible. His breath was hot against his skin, breathing more life into the scorching heat within Roman’s chest, leaving the poor boy to yearn for even more.  
Roman let out a sinful moan as Virgil grinded his bulge against Romans, his pants already painfully restraining him, the friction of the fabric sending bolts of electricity through his whole body.  
“Roman, please” The tone of Virgil’s voice changed, an undertone Roman couldn’t quite place. But Virgil’s lips against his skin, and his hands traveling continuously lower cleared his mind from all proper thought.  
“Roman”

Roman sat upright in his bed, his skin covered in sweat, his eyes slowly adjusting to the dark. His face was flushed red, his breath still too fast and unsteady.  
He was in his room.  
Virgil rolled around in his own bed, the boy sleeping restlessly but deeply.

It had been a dream.  
And Roman didn’t even have to look down to know that it had had quite an impact on him.  
Oh god.  
It had seemed so real – he had wanted it to be real so badly. But it had only been a dream.  
Virgil turned around in his sleep another time, muttering in his sleep as he did so.  
Roman hadn’t quite understood him, but it had sounded dangerously like –  
“Roman” Virgil’s voice was quiet and vulnerable, the name on his lips nearly a pleading – and Roman felt his own body react to his little ramble. He had to slam his hand over his own mouth to stop himself from groaning, his face flushing even more, his heartbeat quickening.  
Oh god, he was so pathetic. Only hearing Virgil made him react so much, he couldn’t imagine actually – but just then he did imagine. Vividly.

Roman jumped up, not caring whether he was quiet or not, and stormed into their bathroom. Not bothering to undress first he stepped into the shower and turned on the water, letting the ice-cold fluid run over him until he was completely soaked. The water helped him to cool down, so he just stood there, his head leaned against the wall, his clothes clinging to his body as he breathed deeply. He tried to sort his thoughts, but he just couldn’t. He needed Virgil so badly.

\---

“Guys, I am thoroughly and absolutely fucked” Roman stormed into Logan and Patton’s room, not having waited for morning to come or even bothered to put on dry clothes. For once Roman was really grateful that Patton continuously forgot to lock their door at night, or simply didn’t care enough to do so.  
Both woke up and sleepily looked up at him, their confusion displayed unhidden in their faces.  
It didn’t exactly happen everyday that someone barged into their room in the middle of the night, completely soaked and obviously distressed.  
Logan was the first one to get what was going on and muttered with his voice still sore from sleeping.  
“Roman, I think you lost our bet”  
Patton sat up and groaned silently while turning on the lights.  
“What’s this all about, Roman?”  
“I really owe you two, but you really have to help me now or I’ll absolutely lose my mind”  
Logan put on his glasses and sat up as well, holding his hand out, an obvious sign for Roman to pay up.  
"Are you fucking serious?" Roman wiped a few droplets of water from his skin "And I haven't even lost the bet yet. You guys said that I and Virgil would be banging by this month, but he doesn't even look at me if you haven't noticed yet"  
"Well actually I and Patton have a bet about when you two start banging, whereas you bet against us both that, and I quote ‘You and Virgil will never be a thing’. And since you are standing soaked in our room at 4.30 in the morning because you can't deal with your feelings for him, I am Just gonna assume that we can call that a thing"

Roman sighed deeply and gave up on arguing. Logan was right. "I hate you"  
"You love us. And besides, your parents do not only pay for everything you need, but also give you way too much pocket money. Whereas I and Patton are two absolutely broke college students and I don't feel bad at all for winning this bet"  
“You know what? Help me turn this into an *actual* thing and I will pay up”  
Logan grinned at him and nodded, Patton smiling over his whole face.

Roman told them everything. Told them about the kiss and his feelings. But he might have left out certain details.

“And you really don’t know why he avoids you?”  
“No!” Roman groaned, “Ever since we kissed, he refuses to talk to me. I guess he just regrets it”  
Patton shot up “Don’t say something like that! Maybe he is just scared. Maybe he just doesn’t realise how you feel about him”  
Then he added silently “Don’t you dare hurt my ship”  
“It would be very like Virgil that he simply misunderstood some signs and jumped to a conclusion. He tends to be very…anxious when it comes to opening up to others and that kiss must have been horrifying for him, especially if he feels about you the way I think he does”  
Roman gaped at Logan. “That actually sounds…reasonable”  
“Of course it does. I said it”

\---

Just talk to him. That had been their advice. Stop him from avoiding you and talk to him.  
Easier said than done.  
Roman stood in front of their dorm room, his forehead leaning against the door.  
He had given up on trying to talk to him a week ago, trying to avoid even more unnecessary pain. Not that it helped much.  
Yet he didn’t know what he should say. His head was empty and overflowing with words and emotions at the same time.  
Roman just stood there and listened to the dim noises coming from the room. Virgil had seemingly woken up some time ago and now it seems like he was talking to someone over his phone, forcing Roman indirectly to wait outside.  
He couldn’t just burst into the room and disturb Virgil’s call and tell him about his feelings, it would only create an awkward situation in which Virgil was sure to dump him.  
He knew that he was only procrastinating.  
But he kept waiting.

Suddenly Virgil’s voice changed from slightly annoyed to absolutely pissed, he started screaming and cursing loudly enough that Roman heard everything.  
Romans instincts kicked in and he threw open the door without thinking, “Virgil, what’s wrong?”  
His roommate stood in the middle of the room, frozen, and stared at him with wide eyes. He held his phone in his hand, Deans voice bellowing through the speaker, loud enough for Roman to understand everything clearly.  
“Virgil, I swear to God, if you hang up now,- I am trying! I am trying, alrig-“ Virgil hung up, still looking at Roman, but something in his expression changed. It turned soft and vulnerable.

For long moments they just looked at each other, both completely frozen.  
Then Virgil gulped and started to murmur, his eyes not leaving Roman’s once.  
“Dean tried to get back with me. At first, I thought that was a good thing. But as he told me how sorry he was and how much he loved me, I realised that I would never be happy with him. That I could never possibly be happy with him” Virgil gulped, his face seemingly turning pale and blushing at the same time. Roman could see how much it took Virgil to say those words and it paralysed him. “Because he is not you, Roman. He is not you and that’s why he will never make me happy. I love you, Roman. And I know that I treated you horribly those last few weeks, and I know that you don’t feel the same-“ Virgil was nearly crying at this point, his voice breaking and his eyes tearing up “But I love you, even if you don’t-“

“Shush” Roman stepped closer to Virgil and cradled his face in his hand, wiping away a stray tear with his thumb “You think too much, Virgil”  
And with that Roman leaned down, slowly enough to give Virgil the chance to back away but surely enough to show that he didn’t want him to.

He kissed him slowly, lovingly. It wasn’t as needy and desperate as their kiss on the roof. But it was the more emotional, the purer and sweeter. This was a love song sung without voices, a love story told without words.  
Virgil threaded his fingers into Romans hair, pressing him closer, as if trying to stop him from ever leaving his lips and Roman in return pressed the two so tightly against each other as if to promise that he will never stop kissing him.

And when the two finally had to break apart for air Roman refused to let Virgil’s face go, as if he was still afraid that the boy would run away once he stopped holding him in place.  
“No more running” Roman pleaded silently.  
“No more running” Virgil answered, his voice hoarse, but full of emotion.

Not being able to resist, Roman placed another loving small peck on Virgil’s lips, just as their door was being ripped open and a familiar voice mused behind them.  
“Roman, you better pay the fuck up”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe a posted this xD a) because I thought writers block forced me to abandon this fic b) because ~the shame~
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to Ayri :) Honestly guys, if you come across a fic which appears to be abandoned leave a positive comment, it makes a difference :) Only reason why this fic isn't dead :)
> 
> NSFW warning ^^ (marked with ****)

The door room was slammed shut so loudly that probably more than just a few people woke up from the noise.  
Roman would feel bad for waking them and as well for slamming his door shut in Logan’s face. Well, he would if it wasn’t for the quivering mess in his arms. 

The moment Logan had opened the door and interrupted their kiss, they had separated each other for only a second, but it had been enough to rip Virgil out of his state of euphoria of finally having confessed to Roman, of finally having stopped to drown and suffocate each and every single one of his feelings for him, of finally being able to feel Romans lips against his own again.  
And it forced him to process what had just happened. Barely a moment ago he had been confronted with Dean again, of him wanting him back, of having to go through all those messed up emotions again he was feeling for him. All that pain tightly interlocked with something that had once been love but was now a twisted whirlwind of rotten emotions.  
And it made him panic.

He had dumped Dean.  
He had finally talked to Roman.  
He had confessed his feelings to Roman.  
And he had kissed Roman.

It was too much.  
He was tired, his brain was still fuzzy from having just slept restlessly and being woken up in the middle of the night by his ringing phone. He was still furious, he was still desperate, he was still overwhelmed. He was an emotional mess and he wanted to be cradled in Romans arms and never leave them again. Hear his soothing voice and nothing else.

And when Roman shut the door and looked back to him, Virgil knew that Roman was aware what a mess was. Virgil could see it in his eyes. And Roman didn’t hesitate to open his arms for him. Virgil nearly jumped at him and instantly melted against Roman’s warm body, feeling strong arms around him, giving him stability.

Roman kissed his forehead with soft lips while rubbing soothing circles over Virgil’s back, whispering sweet little nothings into his ear until the rest of the world disappeared. And Roman patiently held him, waiting until Virgil had calmed down enough to stop shaking, enough to muffle his silent whimpers.

And only then did Roman cautiously lead Virgil back to his bed, softly placing him on the clean sheets and tugging him in.  
“It’s still in the middle of the night”, Roman whispered quietly, stroking Virgil’s hair, the boy already half asleep and worn out, “You should try to sleep”  
Without waiting for a reaction, Roman stood up and headed to his own bed, only to be stopped by a loose grip on his sleeve.  
“Stay” Virgil barely managed to keep his eyes open at this point but refused to let go of Roman.  
Roman on the other hand only smiled and slowly slid under the covers next to Virgil, wrapping his arms around him protectively before falling asleep.

\---

“Virge, why is Roman glaring at you like that?” Patton asked while he took another bite from his lunch.  
“Hm?” Virgil looked up from his fries to his boyfriend, who was staring at him grumpily without moving a single muscle.  
“Oh, he thinks I should eat more. And healthier. But I won’t”  
Virgil glanced at Roman’s still untouched food and added, “You know, it’s pretty hypocritical giving me the silent treatment for not eating enough when you won’t eat at all”  
At that Roman grumbled silently and started eating his pasta, while still glaring at Virgil and not breaking eye-contact.  
“Oh, you two are so cute! I wish I had someone who looked after me like that, you know?” Maybe Virgil was wrong, but to him, it seemed as if Patton’s eyes stayed on Logan for a moment too long while saying that.  
“This is so sad, Roman sing Despacito” Virgil said in a monochrome way, ignoring his observation, but without hiding the smirk on his face.  
And, of course, Roman reacted almost instantly, singing enthusiastically in front of the whole mensa.  
However, instead of being bothered, some other students joined in and fist-bumped Roman as they walked past them, some singing really well, others just bs-ing it and enjoying their time.  
Roman had gotten quite the reputation over the last few weeks and had gotten popular all over the campus. It hadn’t gone past Greenhills students that he had managed to break the unspoken rule that no first year would ever be cast as the main role and many admired him for it.

And as the rehearsals for the play had started a few days ago, Roman had already managed to impress most of the cast with his acting skills, putting many of the more experienced actors in his shadow, stealing the spotlight at every opportunity.  
“You guys are a walking meme machine” Logan muttered after Roman stopped singing, ignoring Patton who was stealing some of his food from his platter.  
“The one and only”  
Roman smirked and Virgil couldn’t resist but to join in.  
In his eyes there was nothing more beautiful than Roman’s smile. The way he slightly tilted his head and let his absolutely white teeth peek through his lush lips made his heart melt whenever he got to see it.  
And lately he had gotten to see Roman smile a lot. He started to grin at everyone they saw while walking around campus, at random people in the street and everyone else.  
They all were more or less forced to have a better day. It was part of Roman’s magic. Whenever he smiled at people, they would walk around with a similar grin for a while.  
But even those smiles were nothing compared to the expression Roman had while he looked at Virgil. It was as if the entire universe was brighter whenever Roman laid his eyes on him.  
As if everything was gonna be alright and nothing could change that.

“Virge?” Logan snapped directly in front of Virgil’s face, “Are you done staring at Roman like an Idiot or are you just gonna skip class? Because we are already late if you haven’t noticed”

\---

“What are you watching?” Roman looked up from his homework, already too exhausted to finish it that night, glancing at Virgil, who was watching something on his laptop with his headphones on.  
“Hercules. It was put on Netflix last week and I decided to rewatch it after all those years” Virgil pulled one of his earplugs out, looking vaguely towards him, his eyes not really leaving the screen.  
“I didn’t know you like Disney, Stormcloud” Roman smirked at his boyfriend and sat down on his bed next to him, wrapping his arms around him and leaning his head against his.  
“You are full of surprises” He kissed Virgil’s forehead, who hummed approvingly and unplugged his headphones so Roman could watch with him.  
“Never doubted that you liked Disney though, ~Princey~” Virgil smirked and pulled Roman in for a proper kiss, a satisfied smile all over his face as they pulled apart again.

\---

****

It was quite difficult to startle Roman.  
He had nerves of steel and wasn’t afraid of much, he was basically your everyday heroic prince.  
However, he was more than startled when he walked in on his half-naked boyfriend, who had obviously just gotten out of the shower, a towel draped loosely around his hips and skin still dripping wet.  
Roman instantly slammed the door shut again, instinctively pressing himself against the hallway wall, his face burning and his heart rate through the roof.

Virgil opened the door again only a moment later, smirking at Roman with a raised eyebrow.  
“Sweety, you know you already saw me wearing this little many times already” He mused questioningly.  
Roman was suddenly very interested in the roof, looking everywhere but his just too attractive boyfriend.  
“Yes, but back then I wasn’t absolutely smitten by you and didn’t have to suppress the urge to jump you here and now”  
At that Virgil laughed, grabbing Romans hand and pulling him into the room.  
He pressed a soft kiss on his lips and Roman instinctively pulled him closer, tangling up a hand in Virgil’s wet hair. He tugged softly at his strands, Virgil moaning against his lips as a reaction and giving Roman the opportunity to deepen their kiss.  
It didn’t take long for Virgil to start tugging at Romans sweater, Roman suddenly breaking their kiss.  
“Virgil, I-“ He muttered breathlessly, his eyes filled with need and hunger “Virgil, I won’t force you to do something you don’t want to do, you-“  
“Shush” Virgil silenced Roman by pressing a finger against his mouth “Roman, I want this” He breathed against his skin, “I want you. I need you” 

At that Romans expression changed, his already hunger filled eyes widening even more, his lips slightly parting.  
He let his head slump into the crook of Virgil’s shoulder, his chest already heaving with need, breathing in the smell of his boyfriend, his head spinning from all that hunger.  
“Virgil, you are going to be the death of me”  
Roman breathed out before pressing his lips roughly against Virgil’s, lapping wantonly against his tongue, while already unzipping his sweater with shaking hands. Virgil reacted with a surprised moan but kissed back just as eagerly.  
Roman only broke their kiss for as long as it took him to get rid of his own shirt, barely breathing before clashing their mouths together again.  
Virgil moaned blissfully at Romans eagerness, opening Roman's belt while fighting over dominance with him.  
Roman quickly got out of his trousers without letting go of the others’ lips, leading the two over to his bed until Virgil’s knees hit the edge of the mattress and Roman softly pushed him down. Leaning over him, Roman started to leave countless kisses on Virgil’s jawline, descending slowly to his neck and shoulder, looking for and finding all those sweet, sweet spots that made Virgil a moaning needy mess.

Roman shortly stopped his descend for a split moment as Virgil started grinding against his leg, pressing the other's hips back into the mattress with a firm grip.  
“Virgil, how do you want to have me?”  
Virgil tried to pull Roman back to his skin and fought the grip on his hips, too drunk on Romans touch to form an answer.  
“Virgil” Roman growled, making sure to keep Virgil where he wanted him.  
“I want you inside me” Virgil managed to breath out and was instantly rewarded with Romans lips back on his.  
Roman grabbed the rim of Virgil’s towel and pulled it from his hips, finally getting rid of the last piece of cloth that separated them, moaning at the feeling of their bodies pressed flush together.  
Virgil let out a whine when Roman’s lips suddenly left his skin and he sat up, staring down at him.

Roman couldn’t believe his luck as he watched his beautiful, greedy boyfriend squirm beneath him. His face was flushed red, his chest heaving and his expression the sexiest thing Roman had ever seen, and he had seen a lot.  
He smiled as Virgil breathed out his name, trying to get him to continue.  
“Shush, let me admire the view” He murmured, but leant back down again, softly attacking Virgil’s lips with all his love.  
He let his hand trail down Virgil’s thighs and started to massage him there, teasing him with every touch.  
“Roman, please”  
The way Virgil was begging breathlessly for Roman to stop teasing him was nearly too much to handle for him.  
Roman sat up another time, scrambling to open the drawer next to his bed and pull out some lube and condoms, not taking his eyes off of Virgil. Once his hands had found what he was searching for Roman was instantly back on Virgil’s lips, followed by kissing his jawline, his eyelids and his neck.  
Virgil barely heard the rustling noise of the plastic wrapper being ripped or the lube being opened, his mind was too overwhelmed with the feeling of Roman’s heat everywhere against his body. He was breathless and shaking, his body felt like it was on fire and his mind was haywire, but he loved every second of it.  
Virgil gasped as he felt a lubed finger press against his hole, the digit slowly moving past the muscle cord.  
He moaned blissfully as Roman began to rhythmically move his hand, a second digit soon joining in.  
At that point Virgil had already given up trying to stay silent and let a constant murmur of moans escape his mouth, most certainly enjoying the way Roman reacted to every little noise.  
“Roman” Virgil gasped, trying to move along with his ministrations, but Roman had pinned him down and left no space for movement, ”Please…I need you…”  
Virgil was breathless and he felt as if he was about to burst into flames if Roman didn’t get inside him right. Fucking. Now.  
“Hush, darling, I need to properly prep you, or you’ll regret it later” Roman murmured against his skin, leaving kisses all over Virgil’s body.  
And just as Virgil thought he couldn’t take it anymore he was suddenly left with the disappointing feeling of being empty again, but Roman instantly shifted and did not disappoint as he slowly pushed in.  
He gave Virgil time to adjust around him, but Virgil was so eager that he nearly instantly started to move against Roman, fighting the grip on his hips.  
Only when Roman was sure to not hurt his love did he start to slowly move his hips rhythmically, and, assuming from the wonderful noises Virgil made, hitting his prostate gland every single time.  
Not even Roman tried to hold back now.  
Virgil intertwined his fingers into Roman's hair, pulling him back to his lips, kissing him as if he’d rather suffocate than let go of him ever again.  
“Roman” Virgil barely managed to gasp out his name, his brain too overwhelmed to properly form words “I am close, I am-“  
Instead of slowing down, Roman moved his hips expertly a few more times, making Virgil come undone beneath him and let him ride out his orgasm in its fullest.

It took Virgil a few moments to come down from his high, still seeing stars until he realised that Roman hadn’t finished alongside him. And when he commented on his observation, he only got a small chuckle from Roman.  
“Darling, there is nothing better than seeing you come undone beneath me like that”  
Virgil slowly sat up and crawled onto Romans lap, straddling him and leaning forward until his lips were mere inches away from his ear.  
“Princey, if you truly think that, then you have never gotten a proper blowjob” Virgil’s voice was a low grumble, like a far-off thunder echoing through the landside.  
And he felt Roman’s body react to his words, he could nearly feel the electricity humming through his lover.  
Virgil placed a quick but intense kiss on Romans lips, letting his hands slide over Romans toned muscular body, his lips soon following the trail until Virgil was kneeling in front of Roman, glancing up at his gorgeous boyfriend and wordlessly asking for permission. The heat and need in Romans gaze were more than Virgil had expected to see, it looked as if Roman was about to burst into flames just by seeing Virgil sit between his legs.  
And after Roman gave Virgil just the smallest nod, he quickly got rid of the condom Roman had put on precautiously and took him into his mouth, being rewarded with the most delicious noises coming from Romans lips. Virgil could nearly feel Roman restraining himself from grinding up into his mouth, but his lover did not move a single inch.  
Instead, Virgil began to move and Roman seemed to be barely able to handle it.  
The way he used his tongue made Roman nearly scream, making sure that at least half of the people present in the dorm was very well aware of what was going on in their room.  
When Virgil added his delicate fingers to the game, Roman threw all his self-control overboard. He was pretty sure that everyone knew what they were doing now.  
It didn’t take long until Roman came into Virgil’s mouth, his lover milking every last drop from him before crawling back onto Romans lap, placing kisses all over his body.

“I love you”, they both whispered into each other's ears, Roman nuzzling his head against Virgil’s neck, inhaling the intoxicating smell of his boyfriend once more.

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, a few months ago: "Omg, there is no fcking way I can write a lemon scene, how tf am I supposed to do this? Dx"  
Me, now, while writing a lemon scene: "Well, this is not as bad as i thought. This is pretty nice actually"


	9. Chapter 9

“What are you doing up so early?” Roman strolled into the bathroom, yawning while wrapping his arms around Virgil from behind, nuzzling his face into the crook of Virgil’s neck.  
“Nothing, it’s just...” Virgil stared at himself in the mirror. He let his own hands trail over his naked upper body, over his shoulders and neck, seemingly confused by what he saw.  
“You didn’t bruise me”  
Roman let out a tired snicker. “You really like it rough, don’t you?”  
Only when Virgil didn’t react to his joke did Roman look up, suddenly aware that something was wrong.  
“Virgil, if you want me to...hurt you, then that’s not a problem” Despite his words Roman seemed scared of that thought. Whenever he touched Virgil in any way, may it be a hug, a kiss or during sex, he would always be careful not to hurt his stormcloud in any way.  
“NO! No, I don’t want you to…It’s just…” Virgil averted his gaze, staring mindlessly at the floor “I am not used to waking up and not feel sore, to not have to disinfect bleeding bite marks and try to figure out how to cover up all the bruises”  
Virgil’s voice was so quiet it barely left his mouth, but Roman heard every word as if war drums were played right in front of him.  
He knew that Virgil’s and Dean relationship had been toxic, but seeing the aftereffects from it, seeing how Virgil still suffers because of it, it made him want to hurt Dean. Badly. Even the thought of what that man had done to his love was enough to make him want to end that son of a bitch.  
“Virgil, my beautiful starry night, I would never, under any circumstances hurt you and will always make sure to keep you safe and sound”  
Roman softly kissed Virgil’s shoulder, pulling his boyfriend even closer.  
Virgil gave him an annoyed glance at the nickname but stayed silent nonetheless. His expression stayed unchanged though, his eyes still full of worry. It was clear to Roman that there was more to it, he could nearly see how Virgil was overthinking.  
“What’s wrong, my dear? You know you can tell me everything”  
“No, nothing’s wrong, I don’t…” Virgil sighed and wrapped his arms around himself, his expression sorrowful.  
He stayed silent for a long moment, obviously debating whether he should say his thoughts aloud.  
“Sometimes, I can’t understand how I could possibly deserve you. Because I didn’t do anything to deserve all this. And sometimes I am just waiting for you to finally see that I am a broken mess, which isn’t of any use to you, and that you are going to leave me”  
Virgil was whispering, staring at the floor, his eyes starting to fill with tears.  
“I love you so much Roman and I can’t deal with the thought of losing you”

Roman tensed up at the words, his eyes going blank because of the shock. He had never realised Virgil thought like that.  
“Virgil, my starry night, I love you and nothing’s ever going to change that” Roman carefully grabbed Virgil’s shoulders and turned him around, forcing him to look into his eyes by tilting his head up with tender fingertips, “You deserve the world and more. I know that you can’t see that, but believe me when I say that it’s true. And if you think that you have to earn or deserve my love in any way then I have failed you as your boyfriend, and I swear I will make it up to you”  
Virgil’s eyes filled with tears, but he let out a little snicker  
“Oh my god Roman, you are so fucking gay”

\---

“Roman, it’s your birthday pretty soon, isn’t it?”  
Patton looked up from his phone, glancing vaguely towards where Roman was sitting, Virgil straddling his lap.  
"Yeah, now that you mention it"  
Roman murmured, seemingly not caring about it too much.  
"Wait, when exactly is your Birthday?" Virgil suddenly sat up, nearly throwing Romans book out of his hands.  
"And why does Patton know about that and I don't?"  
"Probably because you are a bad Boyfriend" Logan exclaimed nonchalantly.  
Virgil shot him a glare, but Roman interrupted him before he could say anything by wrapping his arms tightly around him and muttering, "Logan you are just jealous because you are still as single as a Pringle", he grinned devilishly, "And my dear stormcloud, you don't know because I never mentioned it. I don't like making a huge deal out of it"  
Virgil grumbled, "But how does Patton know it?"  
Roman had to laugh, nuzzling his face into Virgil’s hair.  
"When I refused to tell him, he called my mother and asked her"  
"Guilty as charged. And your mother is a very delightful Woman"  
At that Roman fully burst out laughing. "You don’t know her the way I do"

\---

"Well, anyway, we have to organize a party for Roman" Virgil mumbled after his boyfriend had left for theatre rehearsal, leaving him, Logan and Patton alone in their room.  
"Agreed. Roman has been quite a good friend to all of us and it would be only appropriate to organize such an event for him”  
“Well”, Patton chimed in, “We can’t have a party in our dorm rooms, we would really get into trouble if we try that”  
“Yeah, that’ll be a problem” Virgil noted, “We could always just go into a club, but I doubt that Roman would enjoy that. Princey would want something more personal and honestly something more over the top”  
“We could do it at my place, but I doubt that my parents would be happy with that, and since most of Romans friends are from Greenhill, we would all have to drive there an hour” Logan stared at the floor, his brows furrowed, “Are there any other places fit as a location?”  
Virgil stared angrily at his wall.  
It couldn’t be that difficult to organize a goddamn party, could it? And they are already stuck at the first goddamn problem.  
They didn’t have much time, Roman would return soon form theatre and…  
Suddenly Virgil shot up, an idea already forming in his mind.  
It was perfect.  
“We could ask if we can use the rooms from the theatre club”  
Patton smiled at him, realising just how perfect this idea was and even Logan seemed a little bit impressed.

A place dear to Roman, which was already equipped with everything they would need, with enough space to invite some more people. Of course, they would have to get permission first, but everyone from the theatre loves Roman so much he doubted that they’d say no.

\---

Everything went way too smooth. The theatre kids were pumped by their idea and even volunteered to help with the decorating and everything. They were on a tight schedule, but the organizing was easy, and nothing seemed to go wrong.  
It made Virgil worry.  
He just waited for the universe to strike and ruin everything. Because it couldn’t possibly be that easy.  
No, he shouldn’t overthink it so much again. Logan and Patton and all the others were helping him, he had done everything he could.  
Everything would work out fine.

And it did.  
The night before Romans birthday everything was finished and ready, Virgil grinning over his whole face as he laid on top of Roman, peppering him with kisses.  
“Why so cheery today, my dark mysterious faerie?”, Roman smiled up at him, his voice full of amusement.  
“Not telling”, Virgil plastered more kisses all over Romans face, “Is a surprise”  
“Uh-huh”, Roman grinned devilishly at Virgil, “Guess I’ll just have to..” Suddenly Roman shot up and turned them both around so Virgil was lying underneath him now, both his hands pinned over his head, “…make you tell me”  
Virgil’s eyes widened in anticipation, his breath hitching in his throat. And when Roman bent down to whisper dirty little things into his ear Virgil felt his face burning, the words doing even more to his body.

Suddenly his phone went off right next to his other ear, Virgil flinching up and headbutting Roman in the process.  
“Oh god, I am so sorry”, Virgil laughed. He had forgotten he had left his phone on his bed. Virgil reached out for it and was about to decline the call until his eyes fell onto the number. His face drained from all colour, the blush he had just seconds ago now gone and instead nothing but utter paleness and horror was on his expression.  
Roman realised something was wrong and rolled off of him, too surprised to say anything.  
Virgil picked up instantly and growled into the phone.  
“What did you do this time?”  
Roman had never heard Virgil this angry, this furious.  
It was as if a whole new boy was suddenly in front of him. Instead of his usually so cautious sweet nightmare, there was a wild wolf, fletched teeth and eyes full of determination to kill.  
Roman heard a female voice answering, but it was too silent for him to understand any words. He just sat there and watched as Virgil’s expression changed from second to second. Anger, sadness, surprise, worry.  
Virgil listened in utter silence, not saying a single word until even the female voice stopped.  
A dreadful silence spread through the room, creeping into Romans bones.  
“You promised” Virgil whispered suddenly. Roman couldn’t tell if sadness, worry or anger made his voice this silent, or maybe an unholy combination of the three.  
Then, without waiting for a reaction from the caller, Virgil hung up.  
He stood up and started pacing through the room, aggressively chewing on his thumbnail.  
Whatever that phone call had been about, it had been nothing good. Nothing good at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I plan to make this a cliffhanger? -No.  
Did I decide last second before posting this that I'd just leave out the rest of the chapter to make yall suffer some more? -Yes.  
Do I enjoy seeing the pain of my readers? -Yes.  
Do I love yall anyway? Absolutely.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little bit shorter than usual, I hope yall can forgive me and enjoy it nonetheless.

“Virgil, what’s wrong? What was this about?”   
Virgil instantly stopped pacing and stared at Roman, as if he had forgotten he was even there.  
“It’s my parents, I can’t believe…they promised they wouldn’t…How could I have been so stupid?”  
Virgil started ripping at his own hair in frustration, his eyes going wild and unfocused.  
“Hey, stormcloud, calm down and sit. Start from the beginning.” Roman sat up and patted the bed next to him.  
Virgil looked at him for a moment and took a deep breath, sinking onto the floor in front of Roman instead.  
“The beginning, huh?”, Virgil sighed, “Basically, we have terrible parents. Me and my sister Josie, you know. My dad, he is an alcoholic, but he can’t even admit that to himself and my mom works, a lot. She is basically never home. And dad, well, when he is drunk he gets aggressive. Most of the time everyone just avoids him then and everything is fine. But that doesn’t always work. When he has had a bad day, he would always let it out on someone. And well…it has left its scars over the years” Virgil pulled up his hoodie, revealing a faint line right under his rips and ran a finger over it, lightly, as if it would still hurt after all this time.  
Roman had already noticed that scar among others, but he had never thought too much about it. He had some scars too, after all. However, hearing the story behind it…he started to understand. And it made him furious.  
“I could usually deal with it. Sometimes I couldn’t. Always told Josie to lock herself in my room when it got bad, but it seemed like dad never really was interested in hurting her anyway. Mom was never there to help us and when she was home, she pretended like everything was alright.”  
Virgil looked up to Roman, finally looking him into his eyes. And he could see just how overwhelmed with pain Virgil was. Not physical pain, something deeper.  
“I always looked forward to getting away from home, but on the other hand I never really dared to, since it would mean leaving Josie alone with them.”  
Virgil sighed deeply, staring at the floor.  
“However, just before I would have had to sign up for college things got better. Dad tried to stop drinking and finally got help, Mom tried to prioritise us more over work. And it worked out. One month, then two, everything was more or less fine. So, I sat my family down and told them I wanted to go to college. We talked about it and they promised things would work out even without me. Then I got this scholarship for Greenhill and left. I was egoistic, I know, but this has always been my dream. My hopes for this was what had kept me going for so long.”  
Virgil smiled a little bit, tears slightly shimmering in his eyes.  
“But I shouldn’t have trusted them.” Another look at his phone “Josie is in the hospital because her arm is broken and she might have fractured some other bones. There is a chance she has a concussion, too. Mom said she fell down the stairs, but we all know that’s not true. Either dad pushed her, or he absolutely flipped and beat her.”  
Roman looked at Virgil speechlessly.   
Virgil had already hinted at the fact that his childhood hadn’t been easy several times during their relationship, but he had never guessed just how severe reality actually was.  
“I’ll drive home. If I go now I’ll be there in a few hours” Virgil’s eyes were blank. Hopeless.  
“Virgil, god, of course, I’ll go with you. You don’t have to do this alone. We can take my car, that’ll be much quicker”  
Virgil hesitated, “No, I have to do this alone. Besides, I don’t want you to meet my parents like this” The hint of a smile crept across Virgil’s lips “I know I only said bad things about my mom, but she is a good woman and I bet she would love to meet you. Well, under better circumstances. And you can’t miss your birthday-party tomorrow, can y-“Virgil stopped, his eyes widening in realisation, “Oh fuck, I am so sorry Roman, I can’t possibly make it back in time for your-“  
“Shush, Virgil, it’s ok.” Roman stood up and tenderly cradled Virgil’s head in his hands, softly kissing his forehead. “I understand. This is so much more important than a stupid party”  
He took his keys out of his pockets and let them fall into Virgil’s hand.  
“Go, sweetheart, and look after your sister. But please promise to drive carefully”  
Virgil looked at the keys and then back to Roman, his shoulders drooping just a little.  
“Thanks, Roman”  
He turned around and was about to storm into the night when a hand around his wrist stopped him.  
“Virgil, I mean it, you have to promise. I know how reckless you can get”  
Virgil hesitated a moment but whispered the promise nonetheless. He left Roman without another word, feeling bad for having had to lie to him.

\---

Virgil reached the hospital in the middle of the night, but earlier than should have been even possible. He was surprised he had made it here without the police stopping him, or even crashing Roman’s car.  
Usually, he never drove reckless. Especially not in someone else’s car.  
But this was Josie. He would rather die on the way here than leaving her alone with their parents for one more second.   
He took the closest parking lot and instantly sprinted into the barely lit facility, directly heading to the receptionist. She already recognised him, telling him Josie’s room number without hesitation.  
This was not the first time he’d been here.  
A few stitches here, a few bone fractures there.  
Nothing new.  
But it had always been him.  
Never Josie.

He found her room quickly, stopping right in front of the door.  
He forced himself to calm his breathing, he fixed his hair and clothing, trying not to show Josie how much of a wreck he was.  
He also promised her.  
Promised her he’d be fine as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally don't have alcoholic parents and haven't been in contact with that kind of thing, so I really hope I didn't write too much bs.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, suffer yall, suffer
> 
> Those who read my spoiler sheet know that I had trouble naming mystery girl, and I am tired and decided to simply go with 'Remy'. It's important to note that this girl and Remy 'Sleep' aren't the same person, or a gender bended version. I simply like the name. 
> 
> And I am basically locked in at home bc of Corona, which means I have lots and lots of time to write. I am thinking about writing a little spin off of this fic bc if I update the main story too soon yall won't suffer enough ;)
> 
> Leave a comment and I might update sooner ;)

“Roman, happy birthday!” A girl approached him, waving her drink around and spilling a little bit.  
Gosh, cleaning up is going to be fun tomorrow. And he barely even knew the girl. What was her name again? Melody? Mindy? Something like that. Roman doubted that he had ever really talked to her, but he knew that she was in some of his classes.  
He didn’t know who invited her, or most of the other people present.   
For some reason seemingly half the school turned up to his party, more and more showing up with every hour.  
But he didn’t really mind. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves and it was generally a good party.   
He wouldn’t call it great though.  
Virgil wasn’t here after all.

Mindy ripped him out of his thoughts by pressing a little poorly wrapped present into his hands, commenting on the great party and disappearing into the crowd again.   
Roman looked at the tag.  
From Mandy, to Roman ♥  
Oh, Mandy, that was her name, right.  
He placed her present on a random table and took out his phone again, checking his messages for the millionth time that day, but still nothing. 

-Text when you got there safely  
-Is everything alright? How is Josie?  
-Miss you here

Roman had to restrain himself from sending another message. He saw that Virgil’s phone was off and his stormcloud really had other things on his mind than checking his messages. Yet Roman couldn’t stop himself from worrying. He knew how reckless Virgil was.  
What if he had an accident? What if he was lying somewhere in a car wreck, unable to call help?  
“Universe to Roman, are you still there, buddy?” Patton quickly pulled Romans phone out of his hand, grinning at him, but with worry in his eyes.  
“Even though this is your party you are the only one who doesn’t enjoy it”, Patton quickly glanced at the screen in front of him and realised.  
“Oh Roman, you don’t need to worry about Virgil” Patton placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder, “He is tougher than you think, he can take care of himself.”  
Roman grumbled in response and quickly took his phone back.  
He knew that Virgil isn’t as helpless as he might seem sometimes, but that didn’t stop him from worrying.   
“Here”, Patton pressed his own drink into Roman’s hand and grabbed his arm, pulling him to the improvised dancefloor. Patton giggled, smiling all over his face, “You are going to enjoy yourself, even if I have to force you to”  
And Roman couldn’t resist Patton’s magic. He had a way of cheering people up, that no one had a chance at having a bad mood.  
He took a sip from his drink, then another. Damn, this was good.   
“Who mixed this?” Roman emptied it, Patton’s smile going even brighter.  
“Logan! He really has a taste for this kinda thing, who knew?” He quickly took Roman's empty cup and went to get another for each of them, leaving Roman alone in the dancing crowd.  
Well, actually the music wasn’t so bad. And he liked the dizzy feeling that slowly started to kick in. Whatever Patton had given him, it hadn’t been something weak.  
So Roman started to let go a little.  
First, he started to move along to the music and when Patton handed him another drink he pulled his friend closer to the speakers, finally starting to dance to the sounds.  
Patton was delighted that his mood was slowly getting better and started dancing enthusiastically while taking a sip from his own drink every now and then.  
And of course, Virgil was still on Roman’s mind, a little worrying thought that would never really leave until he knew for sure that his starry night was alright. However, Patton’s and the alcohols magic let that thought slip a little more to the back of his head, giving him the opportunity of finally enjoying his party.

At one point Logan joined in, all kind of people approached them and the music seemed to get better with every song. Roman started to check his phone less and less, but he never really stopped.  
He was still worried.  
But he also tried to enjoy this.  
Everyone had worked so hard to organize it, he simply had to.

It was already in the middle of the night when Roman felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, his intoxicated brain taking a moment to realise what it meant.  
Then Romans eyes lit up, instantly reaching for the device, nearly screaming with delight when he saw Virgil’s name pop up.

-Sorry, my phone was off  
-It’s a lot to explain, call me?

Roman instantly did as he was told, suddenly all the people and the music around him seem to have disappeared, he was only capable of staring at his phone, waiting for Virgil to pick up.  
Not even a second later Virgil’s face appeared on his screen, Roman’s face lighting up like a little child’s on Christmas eve.  
“Oh, my cutest sweetypie, how are you? MybabyIloveyousomuch! How is Josie? Did anything happen to you, mybeautifulstarrynightareyoualright?”   
Virgil said something, but Roman could barely hear anything. It was simply too damn loud. Virgil repeated his words a few times, annoyance and amusement on his face, but Roman couldn’t understand. Only when Virgil pointed at his ears he finally realized.  
Oh…Too loud. The music didn’t only disable Roman from hearing, it worked both ways.  
Roman looked at the empty plastic cup in his other hand – Maybe he had had one or two drinks too much. Probably.  
He started to wander off towards the nearest exit, only to find himself in a staircase as he went through the door. Not wanting to bother to look for the actual exit he simply went up, somehow finding himself on the roof.  
The cool air hit him hard, but in a good way. After being in that rather small hot room for so long, it felt amazing to breathe fresh air again, the coolness helping him to sober up the littlest bit.  
“You seem to be enjoying yourself over there” Virgil giggled a little bit and the sight made Roman's heart flutter.  
“Noooooo….yourn’t heereee” Roman frowned into the camera “I miss u sooo much bby”   
Virgil started to laugh “Roman, are you honestly drunk?”  
“NOooo” He hesitated for a moment “Maybe”  
“I will delight in making fun of you for being hungover tomorrow” Virgil grinned “I just wanted to tell you that I am going to sleep over at home and be back sometime tomorrow. I don’t know yet when exactly I am going”   
“WAit, wait, so if you are coming back tomorrow that’s gotta mean that Josies alright, right? Right?”  
Virgil hesitated for a moment “Well, yes and no. I’ll explain tomorrow because I doubt you’d understand any of it if I started explaining now”   
Roman grumbled a little but didn’t say anything.   
“Don’t drink too much, Princey. I gotta go now though, its really late here and I haven’t slept in the last 48 hours. Love you”  
“I luv u too, my absolutely wonderful, beautiful nightmare. I’ll count the seconds until you get back to meeee”  
Virgil grinned at the screen one last time and mimicked kissing him goodbye, then hang up, a smile still on his face.  
Roman stared at the screen for another few long moments, debating whether he should call Virgil again, just for the sake of being able to see his pretty smile and hearing his wonderful voice again.  
But he knew that Virgil needed his sleep.  
So instead he forced himself to put his phone away and trotted back down to the party. Patton wasn’t where he had left him anymore, but Roman found him not too late after. Patton was clinging onto Logan’s arm, both obviously pretty drunk, even though Logan seemed to be a little bit more coherent at this point. But Roman guessed his flush was not only because of the liquor.  
He decided to leave those two to themselves and wandered off into the crowd, looking for any other familiar faces.  
And he found a very familiar face. A very familiar face that he did not expect to see here at all.

“Remy? Is that you?”   
The girl Roman was looking at turned around and faced him, a smile spreading over her face.  
“Roman! I thought I actually wasn’t going to see you at your own party!” She enthusiastically hugged him, having to stand on her tiptoes to be able to do that.  
“It’s really good to see you again, Remy. But no offense, how do you even know about this party? We haven’t talked in ages”   
Even Roman couldn’t suppress a little smile at seeing her again. He and Remy had a long history, and even though it might not be of the bad kind, it’s still in the past. He never really expected he’d see her again.  
“Oh, you know, me and Logan chatted a little bit and he just mentioned that there was a huge party tonight. Couldn’t resist but to show up”  
Roman groaned theatrically, “Have I mentioned that it’s really hella weird that my ex and my best friend are still in contact?”  
“Yes, you have. Many, many times. But you also said you didn’t really mind, so man up and deal with it”, Remy punched him playfully and grinned.   
“I don’t mind ~ It’s just really hella weird and even you have to admit that”  
“Yeah, alright”, she laughed, “How about we get ourselves a drink and you tell me what you have been up to lately?” 

\---

Virgil was absolutely exhausted as he reached Greenhill. He hadn’t slept well and the fact that he had to pull an all-nighter the day before didn’t help at all.   
And after having had to deal with his family again he had no energy left at all. Nada. He was drained and at his end.   
Now all he wanted to do was to fall into Roman’s arms and never leave them again. He wanted to hear Roman’s soft voice and feel his warmth while peacefully dozing off, finally feeling safe and calm again.  
Just the thought alone gave him some strength, a little smile forcing itself onto his lips.   
The last few days had been hell, but now he really just needed Roman and then he’d be fine.

He had gotten back early, it wasn’t even noon yet. Maybe he and Roman could go out and eat dinner at some fancy restaurant, a little birthday party for his love just between the both of them. It’d be lovely, and exactly the kind of thing Roman would like.

He’d probably have to wake Roman up first, though, because after what he had seen yesterday Roman will most likely still be sleeping now.   
However, as Virgil opened the door to their dorm room he already heard the shower and Romans silent humming, telling him that his boyfriend was already wide awake. 

Virgil froze instantly as he opened the door a little wider.   
As if to check whether he wasn’t imagining the sound, he stared at the slightly ajar bathroom door, confirming to himself again that Roman was in fact awake.

His mind wasn’t able to process that he still saw a figure lying in Roman's bed nonetheless.

First Virgil noticed the long black hair. Then the beautiful sleeping face, the wrinkled sheets that barely covered her naked body.   
Her tousled hair, the dress lying on the floor as if it had been mindlessly tossed away.

Suddenly Virgil felt the need to vomit. The need to cry and scream, to punch a wall until he broke several of his bones. To punch Roman until he broke his bones.

But instead, he ran. 

His vision was blurry.   
Maybe because of his furry, or his tears.   
He wasn’t sure.

Somewhere he heard Roman shouting something.  
He couldn’t understand the words.  
His ears seemed to explode with noise.   
He kept running. Started running faster as he kept hearing Roman’s voice.

It couldn’t have been true.

Roman wouldn’t do that.

But the picture of the naked girl in Roman’s bed was burned into his head.

And every time he closed his eyes he saw it again, the image punching the air out of his lungs.

  
Roman wouldn’t do that.

  
Well, maybe he would.


	12. Chapter 12

Virgil didn’t know why he ended up in a Starbucks.  
He had honestly only wanted to get away.  
Get away from Roman, away from Greenhill, away from all the memories they had made together.  
And this was the first place he thought off. After all, he didn’t really have anywhere else to go anymore.  
He only wanted to cry and sleep and eat something sweet and cry some more.  
But since he didn’t necessarily feel like being anywhere near his roommate and didn’t want to cry in public, he had to do the next best thing.  
Get some sweet, sweet coffee.  
Maybe he would feel better. Or at least not as exhausted.  
The last few days had been hell, but this had finished him off. He had no strength left at all. He only wanted to give up.

He sat in the corner where no one would see him, slurping his coffee while staring at his phone, Roman’s face flashing up on the screen again. Watched as it disappeared and the number of missed calls updated from twenty-four to twenty-five. Watched as Roman’s icon popped up on the screen again.  
It was a cute picture of them both, Roman kissing Virgil’s forehead with the light hitting the camera just right to make it seem all magical.  
Virgil enjoyed the irony of it. Enjoyed the pain he felt at the irony.  
Because now it all seemed like it had just been magic.  
Never really real.  
Too good to be real.  
He had known from the beginning.  
That Roman didn’t truly love him and that it wouldn’t take long until he found someone better. But he had decided to stay blind to the obvious facts and had talked himself into believing something that never could have been true.  
He had enjoyed it while it lasted.  
Now it was over.  
Forever.

Virgil felt another tear run down his cheek, his face already covered in smudged makeup and streaks of eyeshadow drawn by tears.  
He knew he looked like a mess. A miserable, fucked up mess.  
But he couldn’t care less.  
At this point, he didn’t care about anything.

He had lost Roman.

He couldn’t possibly go back to Greenhill, so in a way, he had lost his dream college, too.

You always hear people talk about how you shouldn’t date people who would be difficult to avoid after a break-up.  
Don’t date your sister’s best friend.  
Don’t date someone from your workplace and school.  
And for fuck's sake, don’t date your roommate.  
How absolutely stupid could one possibly be?  
He had been so blind and dumb, he wanted to cringe at himself. No better, strangle the younger version of himself that thought the thing between him and Roman could ever be a good thing.

He had known that it wouldn’t work out.  
He had known and tried to avoid Roman at every cost for weeks, but he had been weak. Let himself be blinded by Romans pretty face and smile and did the most stupid thing he could have done.

He took another big gulp of his coffee, trying to let the oversweetened drink wash away his bitter feelings.  
Virgil saw from the corner of his eyes that his phone lighted up again, showing Roman’s icon on the screen for the millionth time.

And Virgil didn’t know what was different this time, maybe it was the sugar rush or his absolute self-hate that made him press the green bottom and pick up the phone.  
At first, he didn’t say a word, just listened to the background noises he heard through the speaker. Roman obviously didn’t have any hopes left that he would pick up, but he hadn’t given up yet nonetheless. Virgil would have been impressed if he wasn’t so deeply hurt.

“Yes?”, Virgil felt shame rush through him at how miserable he sounded as if he had just poured a bucket of sadness and self-pitying over his phone instead of words.  
There was a surprised gasp at the other side of the line, then Romans voice followed.  
“Oh god, Virgil, where are you? We have been looking for you all day!”  
Virgil didn’t answer, just waited for the obvious. After a moment of silence, Roman realised that he wasn’t getting an answer and hastily continued.  
“Virgil, I swear it’s not what it looked like. Please, come back and let me explain!”  
Virgil felt how the lump in his chest grew, but somehow still managed to bring up the strength to open his mouth and mutter a few nearly silent words.  
“Roman, I only picked up to tell you that we are over. Give up, I am not coming back”  
He knew that Roman heard the tears in his voice. Heard his misery and sadness and self-hate. But Virgil didn’t care.  
He wouldn’t see him ever again.  
“Virgil, no”  
Virgil could literally hear Roman’s heart breaking, shattering into million little pieces. But he didn’t care “Please, my beautiful starry night, let me explain”

“THERE IS NOTHING TO EXPLAIN ROMAN”, Virgil shot up and slammed his hands down on the table, everyone in the Starbucks suddenly staring at him. Most looked at him with confusion or pitty, but no one said anything.  
Virgil quickly sat down again, lowering his voice significantly.  
“Roman, there is nothing to explain. There was a naked girl in your bed. You both had probably too much to drink at the party and things escalated. I don’t care if it was an accident, I don’t care if you were too drunk to even remember a thing, I don’t care if you have no feelings for her. I don’t care, Roman. Whatever lies and excuses you come up with, I don’t care. We are over. There is no ‘we’ anymore. And there won’t ever be a ‘we’ again.”  
Virgil heard a few strangled sobs from the other side of the line, hastily mumbled pleas and begs.  
He ended the call without further hesitation.

After that, Roman didn’t call anymore.  
Virgil just sat there, his head leaned against the window and his eyes still fixated on his black phone screen.  
He didn’t know what he waited for.  
He didn’t want Roman to call again.  
He wouldn’t pick up if Roman called again.  
Yet he just sat there, staring at his phone, not moving a single muscle.

Then his screen lit up again, showing the pretty face Virgil had least expected, a wrinkled smile he had learned to hate and scars looking like an artwork in the sunlight of the picture.  
Dean.  
He hadn’t called since that day he and Roman started dating. Ironic.  
A bitter, sad part of Virgil wanted to pick up. See what kind of comfort he could get out of this. Comfort he needed so badly.  
But it was too ironic to be a coincidence. The timing too good.  
He doubted that Dee would ever call on behalf of Roman. And he hated himself for letting that fact be the only thing stopping him. But he accepted the harsh truth anyway. Because he had refused to pick up Pattons and Logans calls for the same reason.  
Virgil was sad he wouldn’t see those two again.  
But he had already made up his mind.  
He would give it all up. Roman, Greenhill, and everything connected to him. 

He had solved the drama around Josie's accident in a good way, but no one would bat an eye if he came back and said that he had decided otherwise. Had decided to come back home and look after her himself.  
No one would notice the inconsistencies or complain. They would all be happy for Virgil to come back home. He was pretty sure that most of them had thought that he would never manage college anyway.  
So they’d welcome him back with open arms and he could leave Roman behind him. Never see him again.

He wouldn’t even have to come back to Greenhill for his stuff.  
He had his phone and wallet on him and everything else was replaceable. The few things and clothes he had there were of no real worth. And they were too many memories.  
His hoodie that Roman had worn so many times and looked so unbearable attractive in it. The fancy shirt Virgil had always put on when they had gone on a date. The jeans Roman had accidentally ripped.  
He was somehow sad and yet so relieved that he would never see those things again. 

All he needed to do now was take the right bus and never look back.  
But for now, he just sat there, still unmoving, leaning against the window while staring at his phone, waiting for nothing.

“You know, it’s rude to deliberately not pick up when someone calls you”  
If Virgil were in a proper state of mind he would have screamed and panicked. Would have accused him of stalking, thrown things at him. Would have fought, kicked and punched.  
But Virgil wasn’t in a proper state of mind. He was in a whirlwind of self-loathing, overthinking and anxiety.  
So he barely looked up when Dean sat down opposite to him.  
After a moment of silence, Virgil mumbled, “How did you find me?”  
Dee grinned at him, showing his pretty white teeth.  
“I know you well, Darling. Of course, I will always find you when I am looking for you”  
Virgil only sarcastically raised his eyebrow without saying anything, waiting for a proper answer.  
Dean sighed and started anew.  
“Let’s just say next time you don’t want to be found, don’t let social media track where you are”  
“Good point”, Virgil leaned his head against the window again, his mind too distracted to really pay any attention to the man sitting in front of him.  
“And why exactly did you bother to come all the way out here?”  
“I heard what happened and wanted to check up on you. I was worried”  
Virgil let out a huffed laugh.  
“Is it a crime that I want to check up on someone I care about?”  
“When it comes to you? Yes.” Virgil’s voice was not nearly as angry as he wanted it to be, but he just didn’t have enough strength left for all of this.  
He only wanted to sleep.

“Come on, don’t be like that, darling”, Dee stood up and slid onto the bench next to Virgil, softly taking Virgil’s cheek into his palm and turning his face to look at him.  
Virgil hadn’t heard Dee call him darling in such a long time it physically hurt him to hear those words spoken so endearingly by him.  
The last little sane part of Virgil’s brain told him to push Dean away, to tell him to leave and never come back. But the harsh truth was that the majority of Virgil just leaned into the touch while tears started to roll down his face.  
Somewhere deep within him, Virgil knew that nothing good could come from this.  
But this little spark of sanity was way too deeply buried beneath hurt and misery and sadness, beneath the hell that he had had to endure those last days.  
And now he just felt the too-familiar touch of Dee's soft hands and started to cry.  
“Shhh, it’s okay baby, I am here” Dee pulled him closer and Virgil didn’t resist.  
Didn’t resist and let his head fall into the crook of Dee's neck and cry.  
“He hurt me so much, Dee”, Virgil sobbed, pressing himself closer to him.  
“I know, sweetheart, I know”, Dee softly stroked Virgil’s hair, just sitting there until Virgil’s sobs slowly eased, until his shivering stopped and he started to calm down.  
Only then did he carefully lift Virgil to a proper sitting position and started to wipe away his tears and smeared makeup.  
“Let’s get out of here, shall we?”, Dee stroked Virgil’s cheek with his thumb, a gesture too familiar, bringing back old memories when everything was easier. Easier and not so absolutely messed up.

And Virgil didn’t know why, but he nodded.  
Maybe it was the suffocating pain, the self-loathing, or simply the wish to hurt Roman back.  
Because even if Roman wouldn’t ever find out about it, even if it wasn’t any of his concern anymore, somewhere deep down Virgil needed this feeling of payback. The knowledge that he wasn’t the only one getting hurt.

So he let Dee drag him out of the Starbucks, many people staring at them, but he barely paid any attention.  
To them, or anything in general.  
So Virgil stayed silent as they went to Dee’s car and sat down without thinking about what he was doing, Dee revving the engine and driving off.  
Only when they reached the highway at least some proper thoughts returned to Virgil’s head.  
“Where are we going?”  
“Wherever you want, dear”  
So Virgil asked himself.  
Where did he want to go?  
Greenhill was still no option and if he was being honest with himself he didn’t want to go home either. He had looked forward to finally getting away from home for so long and now he would just crawl back? Because of Roman?  
The thought made him feel small and helpless. And no, he didn’t want Roman to be able to ruin his life like this. But if he was honest with himself, he knew that it was true nonetheless and that he wouldn’t want to change anything about that fact.  
Because even if their time together had been short, it had been beautiful. It had been the best thing that had ever happened to Virgil.  
And now it was over.  
And he had nowhere left to go.

All of a sudden all this pain washed over him again and instead of answering Dee's question, he broke down. Started full out crying, unable to stop, unable to feel ashamed.  
“Hey, dear, what’s wrong? Did I say something?”  
Dee pulled over instantly and stopped at the side of the road, stepping out of the car and running over to Virgil’s side.  
He opened the door and pulled Virgil into another hug.  
“Let it all out, baby”, Dee carefully petted Virgil’s back, whispering sweet little nothings into his ear.  
And when Dee pulled back and looked him into his eyes Virgil already knew what was going to happen. He knew but he didn’t do anything about it.  
So as Dean leaned in again and brushed his lips against Virgil’s, he didn’t resist. He didn’t resist as Dee deepened their kiss and pulled him closer.  
Somewhere deep in his mind, Virgil knew this was wrong and that it would only cause more pain. But he was so broken, in so much pain, that for now, all he cared about was to ease this pain and forget his messed-up life for a single moment and think about the consequences later.  
He wanted to forget everything that he would ruin by doing this, wanted to forget that it was Dean that moaned his name against his lips and instead wanted to think it was Roman. Roman who softly bit his lip and intertwined their hands. Roman who pressed his lips against his own and Roman who moaned against his lips.  
And when he pulled Virgil out of his seat and opened the backdoor of the car Virgil still didn’t resist, only hoped that he wouldn’t see the tears gliding down his face.  
Virgil barely noticed that he was pushed down onto the seat. He only cared about the lips still tightly interlocked with his own, Romans lips on his own.  
He let him pull off his hoodie, his mind only focusing on the just a little too rough kisses all over his upper body, slowly trailing down, and the just a little too small hands grabbing his sides.  
His mind barely registered the too high pitched moans or the so much rougher approach compared to how Roman usually worshipped his body.  
But he didn’t care.  
Because this was Roman and that’s all he cared about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Virgil.exe stopped working, please reboot system-
> 
> I am not sorry.


	13. Chapter 13

Looking back, Virgil wasn’t sure what made him snap out of it.  
At one point his mind just started to notice small things that were a little off.

At first, Virgil only noticed the smell.  
Roman always smelled like the shampoo Virgil used, because even after all this time he still refused to buy his own, and he always smelled a little bit of sweat, but in a good way.  
However instead of this smell Virgil had gotten so used to, his nostrils were pierced by the smell of a too strong cologne as if someone tried to cover up every possible hint of body odour.  
But also the way his lips and hands glided over his skin was different, less caring and way rougher. The playfulness he had gotten so used to was gone and instead he was confronted with need and raw desire.  
The final thing that ripped Virgil back into reality was probably the bite.  
Because Roman had sworn to never hurt him under any circumstances and had kept that promise.  
Well, until that day anyway.

But when Virgil felt the sting of teeth piercing skin, he was forced to realise that something was wrong.  
Very, very wrong.

He ripped his eyes open and pushed the person on top of him away.  
This wasn’t Roman. Virgil forced his mind to really look at this person.  
No, this wasn’t Roman at all.

He kicked Dean as he tried to get closer again, he started screaming at him to get away.  
“Virgil, sweetheart, what’s wrong? Did I do something?”  
Virgil was this close to jump at Dean and scratch his fucking eyes out. Now that his fogged-up brain started to clear up, he finally realised what was really happening at the moment. 

And he would rather claw his way out of there than to ever start anything with Dee again. Been there, done that. Thank you, next. Never again.

“You know exactly what you did. Don’t you dare touch me ever again”  
Virgil pushed himself up while grabbing his hoodie off the floor. He didn’t even throw another glance at Dean as he crawled out of the car.  
“Yes, I know what I did” Dee shouted after him as Virgil walked away, “And you obviously wanted it just as much as me, Darling”  
Dee spit out the pet name with so much poison that it could have crushed a weak soul, yet Virgil only kept on walking, ignoring Dee’s existence absolutely.  
He quickly pulled his hoodie on and never looked back. Just kept walking.

He didn’t know where exactly he was walking towards to, though. He didn’t even know where he was.  
He was surrounded by a whole lot of nothing and the street next to him was absolutely empty.  
“Shit” Virgil shoved his hand into his pocket, trying to find his phone.  
-Nothing.  
All his pockets were empty.  
“SHIT”  
His phone must’ve fallen out. Fucking goddamn.  
Even his fucking wallet was gone.  
He had absolutely nothing on him.  
He was in the middle of nowhere.  
And he had no idea where to go to.

Shit.

Dee had already driven off into the opposite direction, but even if he were still there Virgil wouldn’t have given him the satisfaction of coming back for his phone.  
But now he was stranded in the middle of literal nowhere.

So he just started walking.  
His head was killing him. The all-nighter and the fact that he had barely slept last night made it worse.  
His whole body ached, the bite mark was burning and he just wanted to fall onto the ground and stop moving.  
It was all just too much.  
He couldn’t do this anymore.

But he kept walking.  
Because the alternative was freezing to death.  
It was already pretty late and the air started to cool down rapidly and even tough that thought kept nagging at the back of his head, Virgil wasn’t ready to give up everything yet. To just lay down and let the cold take him. But no. He kept on walking.

Some cars drove past every now and then, but even though he stuck his thumb out at every single one no one stopped for him.  
He couldn’t even blame them. He was a mess and looked like a homeless drug addict who stabbed people for fun.  
He himself wouldn’t let him hitchhike like that.

Virgil didn’t know for how long he had been walking when that black Mercedes drove past. But at that point he could barely feel his feet anymore, he was shivering from the cold and he had given up all hope of sleeping in a proper bed that night.  
Normally he wouldn’t even have tried to get that drivers attention.  
For one, judging by the car, he wouldn’t ever expect someone like that to pick up hitchhikers, for another, they were driving in the opposite direction he was walking. But he didn’t even know where he was walking towards and he wasn’t exactly in a position to be picky.  
So he stuck out his thumb anyway.

At first, it looked like they were gonna drive past him like everyone else.  
But just as he locked eyes with the driver for a second, they suddenly slammed the brakes. The car stopped with screeching tires a few metres behind him and quickly pulled a U-turn.  
Virgil stared at the car with his eyes wide open, his sleep-deprived brain barely able to process what was happening.

The car stopped exactly next to him, the driver, a young woman, leaning towards him. She looked him up and down and suddenly started full out laughing.  
“Look who Lady Fortuna brought to me” 

Virgil just gaped at her. His brain was absolutely not able to process what was happening. Did he start to hallucinate? He must have collapsed and was now lying somewhere at the side of the road and dreaming this all up.  
Because this was too fucking weird to be real.

But this woman seemed kinda familiar. He was absolutely sure that he had seen her somewhere before, but he didn’t recognise her. She, on the other hand, seemed to know him.  
“Get in, sweetheart, we have been looking for you all day. Oh, I look so much forward to seeing Roman break out in tears when I bring you back”  
Roman. She knows Roman.  
And all of a sudden Virgil realised why this woman looked so familiar.  
She looked different now.  
She was wearing glasses and her black hair was up in a messy bun.  
And she was wearing clothes now.  
Oh god, he should have realised sooner. She was wearing Roman’s clothes.  
This was the woman Roman had slept with.  
All of the punches he had had to deal with today, and now this.

Virgil simply walked away. He didn’t say a word, he just turned around and walked away. 

The universe truly hated him. Because this was just cruel.

“Hey, don’t just walk away! I am saving the day here!”  
Virgil ignored her and picked up his pace. She quickly revved the engine again and drove up next to him, staying exactly at his speed.  
“Let me save the goddamn day, dude!”  
Virgil didn’t know why, but he snapped.  
“If you want to save the day, then for the LOVE OF GOD, DON’T SLEEP WITH MY BOYFRIEND”  
She started to laugh. Nearly broke out in tears because of laughter.

Wow. This Lady was fucking insane.  
Good to know.

“I didn’t sleep with your boyfriend, dummy”  
Virgil stopped.  
“What?”  
“I didn’t sleep with your boyfriend, you moron. Well, at least not today”  
She was still laughing, trying to suffocate her giggling.  
Virgil was this close to dive into the car and strangling her.  
“What do you mean ‘not today’”  
She hesitated for a moment, trying to calm her breathing.  
Virgil really couldn’t see what was so hilarious about all this. He just stared at her. Trying to convince himself that he shouldn’t brutally murder this Lady.

“I mean, Roman is my ex-boyfriend. I broke up with him years ago and I swear to god that I will never try to get back with him, or ever let him into my pants again. Dude, I broke up with him because I figured out that I am a Lesbian”

Virgil kept staring at her, his mouth wide agape. Could this day possibly get any weirder?  
“What?” the fuck.  
“Then why were you in his bed? Naked?”  
“That, my dear Sir, is a very long story so you better get in. We have an equally long ride ahead”

At first, Virgil just looked at her.  
Not moving a single muscle.  
There were thousands and thousands of questions on his mind, his brain was a whirlwind of sleep-deprived thoughts and anxiety.  
But he got into the car.

And as Remy started it another time she also started talking.  
It really was a long story and at times Virgil had problems to keep listening due to his tiredness, but he did everything to stay focused anyway.

Remy was a nice girl. He liked her. Later, Virgil would punch Roman for all this, but he liked Remy. And he believed her.

And when she had finished her story Virgil just felt so stupid.  
He should have never doubted Roman.  
God, he should have never just run off. He had promised.

By the time they reached Greenhill, Virgil only wanted to fall back into Romans arms. Fall into his arms and sleep.  
The walk up all those stairs to their dorm room seemed so much longer than usual, but then all of a sudden, the two of them stood in front of their room and Virgil didn’t know what to do.  
He couldn’t just walk in and act as if nothing ever happened, could he?

He obviously stared at the door for too long, because all of a sudden Remy nudged him gently and whispered, “Just get in. Everything will be alright”  
Virgil looked at her helplessly, wanted to count off everything that could go wrong, but as he looked at her encouraging soft smile, those thoughts disappeared to the back of his head.  
And he opened the door.

Roman was sitting at the edge of his bed, his head in his hands. He looked broken. As if someone had torn out a part of him and left him there, empty.  
He barely looked up as the door was opened, but when his eyes fell on Virgil everything changed.  
Virgil couldn’t even blink before a wall of muscle slammed against him. Roman instantly wrapped his arms around him as if he were scared that he would run away again, the boy pulling him so close that Virgil could barely breathe.  
“Oh god, Virgil, please let me explain, I swear- “  
“Roman.”  
“I can make this right, please – please, just let me- “  
“Roman!”  
At that, Roman finally shut up. He loosened their hug just enough so that he was able to see Virgil’s face. Roman nearly started crying when he saw a little smile instead of hatred and anger on Virgil’s face.  
“Roman, Remy already explained everything. I understand. I am sorry”  
Only when Virgil mentioned her name Roman seemed to realise that Remy was also there. He looked her up and down as if he couldn’t believe what was happening.  
“I found him on my way home. The poor boy was stranded in the middle of nowhere”  
She gave Roman a nod and mouthed a few words Virgil couldn’t decipher and then walked off.  
“Oh Virgil, please, please, never do that again” He buried his head in the crook of Virgil’s neck and pulled him so close that Virgil feared he would break his rips, “I’d rather you’d shoot me than run away again”  
Virgil softly patted Roman’s hair.  
“I am so sorry Roman” He nuzzled his face against Roman’s and sighed deeply.  
“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I slept a total of five hours those last three days and I am at my end. I can’t do this anymore. Can we please just sleep?”  
Roman looked at him another time, his expression so full of emotion that it looked like he was going to cry any second now.  
“Yes, let’s do that, dear”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You think that just because there is no cliffhanger that this is a happy end? Darlings, you do realise that there is still a '?' in 13/? Chapters, do you? whahahha SUFFER
> 
> Next chapter will be a throwback to what happened at the party after the phonecall and after Virgil ran off.
> 
> Then shit will go down.  
Because I still haven't forgiven Roman for what he had done to Virgil (even though he is kinda innocent and even though -I- made him do that, but meh)


	14. Chapter 14

Virgil woke up in Roman’s arms.  
His boyfriend’s arms.  
He smiled up at his sleeping face, a feeling of contentment and happiness washing over him.  
He could still call Roman his boyfriend.  
And there was nothing more he could wish for after all that had happened.

He was warm and happy, and everything was perfect.  
Virgil was just lying there for a while, listening to Roman’s soft snores and admiring just how beautiful he looked while sleeping, the morning sun reflecting on Roman’s face, giving his complexion an angelic touch.

Virgil softly stroked away a strand of hair that had fallen into Roman’s face and watched as his Princey started to wake up slowly.  
“Good morning” Virgil placed a kiss on his lips before Roman had even opened his eyes and happily grinned up at him.  
“Morning” Roman grumbled lazily “Love waking up like this”  
Virgil purred and kissed him another time.  
“You know, you are not getting out of telling me the story from your point of view”  
Virgil’s tone didn’t change the slightest bit, he muttered those words as if he had just told Roman how much he loved him.  
He couldn’t suppress a little grin as he felt Roman tensing up just a little.

Of course, he had already fully forgiven him, but he enjoyed the thought of watching Roman suffer just a little as punishment. 

\---

Roman knew it wasn’t the most adequate thing to tell his ex everything about his new boyfriend, at least he was aware of that fact somewhere deep down in his intoxicated brain, but the words just poured out of him.  
And Remy didn’t seem to mind too much.  
Actually, she appeared to like all those cute little stories and encouraged him to tell her even more.  
And of course, he also listened to all of Remy’s stories as well.  
She had recently found someone special and they had been happily dating for a while, but the girl ended up breaking Remy’s heart out of nowhere.

\---

“You know, you are such a beautiful young woman, every Lesbian should kneel before you and beg for a chance to date you”  
Remy giggled and took another sip of her drink. “Yeah, I wish, but that’s not gonna happen, and we all know that”  
“Well, you got to date me, and I only date the absolute best, so that speaks for you” Roman winked at her and Remy burst out laughing.  
“I will die lonely and your egocentric words can’t do shit about that, gurl”  
“Really? Then why has this cute girl over there been eying you for a while now?” Roman grinned and pointed at a blonde girl he recognised from one of his courses.  
“She? Blondie over there?” Remy followed his glance “Pfft, dude, you don’t think she has been staring at Mr. tall, tanned and handsome who is sitting right next to me? You honestly seem more like her type, if you know what I mean.”  
“Nope, I have never really talked to her but I know enough about her to be able to tell you, I am not the one she is looking at” He gently nudged Remy with his elbow “Go get her tiger”  
She rolled her eyes at him but grinned nonetheless and stood up.  
She only mockingly blew a kiss at him before she disappeared into the crowd. 

Roman got up as well and went to look for Patton and Logan.  
The room was pretty full by now, more and more people showing up every hour. But Roman found those two relatively quickly on the dancefloor, Patton clinging tightly to Logan as they slow danced to a romantic song.  
Roman grinned at himself at the sight and kept a distance as not to disturb those two drunk idiots. 

The same two idiots who made a bet about him and Virgil, only to not realise that both of them have been crushing on each other for a while now. It was obvious to everyone with eyes that they had feelings for each other, well, everyone except Patton and Logan.  
And it only took some liquor for them to take the first step. 

Nonetheless, Roman was also sure that both of them would simply act as this hadn’t happened the next morning, so he simply decided to leave them their moment and not ruin it for them. 

So he went off looking for something to distract himself.  
Oh, he missed Virgil so much. He would move mountains if that’s what it took to be able to slow dance with him now, or even talk to him, or see his beautiful face.  
He wanted to kiss his starry night so badly that his yearning started to feel painful. For a moment he considered simply hopping into his car and driving all the way to him.

But that wouldn’t be a good idea, he is already way too drunk to drive. And Virgil took his car. And Virgil explicitly said he had to do that on his own. 

Roman was this close to whimpering like a little puppy at the thought of not being able to be with Virgil, not caring about all those people around him.  
He felt lonely and drunk, and sad.  
What was a birthday without his beautiful nightmare anyway?  
He should probably just go to bed so he could call Virgil early in the morning.  
But yet again, all his friends invested so much effort into this party, he can’t just leave it this early.  
“Argh!” Roman wanted to punch a wall. This was way too frustrating.  
And now he didn’t even have anyone to spend time with. He had sent Remy away, Logan and Patton were busy by themselves and Virgil was a four-hour drive away.  
But he tried to enjoy himself nonetheless. He owned them that much.  
He had some drinks, talked to some new people and danced with some other. 

\---

It was already pretty late when the party started to clear out. People were too drunk and too tired to stay and the room got emptier and emptier with every minute that passed. Roman stayed till the end with Logan and Patton, who had finally managed to separate themselves for just long enough to find Roman in the crowd. Patton still refused to let go of Logan’s hand, who was furiously blushing but not breaking their contact. And maybe Roman just imagined it, but both their lips looked just the slightest bit swollen.

When the last group of people had finally left, those three also decided it was time to go to bed.

Roman breathed in the fresh air as they walked through the door, enjoying the cold on his skin and in his lungs.  
He loved moments like this. Wanted them to never end. 

But his peace was interrupted by the sounds of someone crying nearby, someone who sounded way too familiar.

It took Roman’s intoxicated brain a moment to find the source of the noise.

Remy.

She was sitting on the ground in the parking lot, crying her eyes out, looking like an absolute mess.  
“Oh god, Remy what happened?” He quickly rushed to her side, falling to his knees right next to her.  
“Are you hurt? What’s wrong?”  
Remy looked at him with big tear-filled eyes, trying to stifle her sobs but failing miserably.  
“Roman, she…she!” Remy burst out in tears again, obviously very, very drunk.  
“Hey, shsh. It’s alright, I am here” He softly rubbed her back until she calmed down enough to speak.  
“What happened? Was it that girl?”  
Remy nodded quickly while trying to wipe her tears away.  
“Everything went soooo great, she was sooo awesome” She sniffled again but continued. “And then I kissed her. And she kissed me back. Then someone yanked me back painfully. Turns out she had a boyfriend all this time. And that dude slapped me! I thought you said she was a lesbian?” Remy whined.  
Roman grumbled regretfully. “I also said I didn’t know her that well. Must have heard some false rumours”  
He quickly checked if her face was alright or if there was any bruising. “Did he hurt you? I can beat that bitch up if you want me to. It’s kinda my fault after all”  
Remy shook her head “No, no, I just want home” She tried to stand up but fell over again in the process, her balance already non-existent from all the drinks she had had. “Where’s my car?”  
“Oh no, no, you are not driving anywhere like that young lady, you would absolutely get yourself killed” Roman stopped her from trying to get up, not wanting that she hurts herself further by falling on her head. “Didn’t you say something about how Picani was gonna drive you home?”  
Remy sniffled, “Yeah, she had promised, but I am pretty sure she left hours ago. I can’t reach her at all”  
Roman sighed deeply “You can’t drive home like that. I would offer you a drive, but I am also not really sober” He gave her another pitiful look, trying to figure out what to do with her. He couldn’t possibly leave her like that.  
“Come on up, you can sleep in my dorm room. Now that Virgil isn’t here, we have a free bed anyway” He tried to help her up, but the second she stood upright she instantly bend over, throwing up.  
Roman steadied her and rubbed her back, whispering calming little words.  
When she was all done Roman tried to get her to walk, but she barely managed to take a single step.  
“Well, we aren’t going to get anywhere like this” Without hesitation Roman simply bend over and grabbed Remy, throwing her over his shoulder.  
She let out a protesting sound at the sudden movement but didn’t complain further as Roman carried her.

Instead, she let out a little ‘thank you’ as Roman carried her up the stairs, her head wobbling a little bit with every single step he took.

Roman carried her all the way up to his room and set her down, Remy now sitting on the floor like a confused little child.  
“You got vomit on your dress”  
Roman sighed deeply.  
He couldn’t let her sleep in that.

He barely managed to get her out of her too-tight dress, but when he tried to force her into one of his old shirts she started to protest, and he was honestly too tired to fight her.  
Remy tried to crawl into the nearest bed, which happened to be Virgil’s, but Roman quickly stopped her.  
“You better sleep in my bed, because Virgil would freak out if his bed smelled like someone else. He is already going to be mad just because I let someone unfamiliar into our room anyway”  
He quickly shoved her into his bed and then fell into Virgil’s himself.  
His starry night was already used to his smell, actually liked it, judging by how he always nuzzled his head into his neck and inhaled his scent.  
But he also did enjoy burying his head in Virgil’s pillow, his scent making up a little that he hadn’t seen him all day before he fell asleep.

Roman woke up relatively early the next morning. The sun was already shining, but Remy was still passed out in his bed. She had somehow managed to get out of her bra in the middle night because Roman was absolutely sure that she was still wearing it when he tugged her in. He sighed deeply and covered her up with his blanket and decided to take a shower before waking Remy  
She’d have a horrible morning, after all she had had to drink last night.

Roman enjoyed the warm water flowing over his body, taking a little longer in the shower than usual. And when Roman heard the door open he was still busy with shampooing his hair and scrubbing away the dirt from the day before.  
His heart gave a little jump as he realised what that noise meant.  
Virgil was finally back.  
Roman was this close to simply jumping out of the shower and falling into Virgil’s arms wet and naked, but he figured his starry night wouldn’t be too happy about that.

Then he heard the door slam shut and realised what was happening.  
Shit.  
Virgil was back.  
And Remy was still sleeping in his bed.  
Shit. Shit. Shit.  
He quickly jumped out of the shower, wrapping a simple towel around his waist and burst out of the room as quickly as possible. He screamed Virgil’s name several times, but his boyfriend only started to run faster as he heard his name.

Shit.

He couldn’t run after Virgil like that, naked but a single small towel – He did anyway. But Virgil had a too big headstart and even Roman couldn’t catch up with him before he left the building.  
And since Roman didn’t want to get arrested, he had to accept that he couldn’t chase Virgil like that.  
He quickly made his way up to their dorm room again, but first burst into Logan and Patton’s room.  
“Guys, get the fuck up, I need your help, I am so, so absolutely fucked”

It took Roman only a few seconds to get dressed and then quickly explained to his very confused group of friends, including Remy, what had happened.  
So they looked for Virgil. Called his phone all the time, looking at all his favourite spots within the school, then having to accept that he had left the campus and starting to look around town for him.  
They called everyone they could think of who could have known where Virgil was.  
Tried every spot he could be at.  
But they archived nothing. It was as if he had disappeared completely. 

And then, after several hours of unsuccessful trying, Virgil picked up his call. At that point, Roman had already given up all hope. He didn’t know what to do anymore.  
And when he heard Virgil’s voice, he nearly had a heart attack. And felt like crying. Nearly had a heart attack while crying.  
Within his panic, he couldn’t find any proper words and only made everything worse. And when Virgil said those words Roman actually started to cry.  
We are over, Roman.  
His heart shattered into a million little pieces. 

No.  
He couldn’t lose Virgil.  
No. Please, god, no.

The second time Roman started to cry was when Virgil came back.  
His heart nearly couldn’t take this rollercoaster of emotions, but when Virgil said he knew what happened he barely believed it wasn’t just a dream. He couldn’t possibly have that much luck.  
But it was real.  
And when Virgil pulled him back into his bed and fell asleep in his arms, Roman spend half of the night just watching him, somewhere deep in his unconsciousness still scared that Virgil was gonna run away again once he closed his eyes.

\---

“Alright,” Virgil grinned down softly at Roman, not moving from where he was lying on top of him, and kissed his nose, “Yours and Remy’s stories line up enough. I believe you”  
Roman grumbled, “You really like to torture me, don’t you?”  
“Yeah” Virgil smiled sheepishly “I do”  
Virgil was happy. More than so.  
Yet he couldn’t ignore that one thought at the back of his head. Couldn’t ignore the little sting he still felt on his shoulder.  
“Roman, I-“  
Virgil knew he had to tell him. Owned him that much.  
But no matter how hard he tried, Virgil couldn’t form the words.  
Didn’t know how to explain what had happened.  
“-I am going to take a shower,” He said instead.  
He quickly crawled off of Roman, who had definitely noticed the change in his voice, and fled into the bathroom. 

He would tell him.  
He just needed the chance to breathe first.  
Form the right words in his head.

Virgil was so deep in his thoughts he didn’t notice how much time he spent in the shower.  
Didn’t notice the door being opened.

“Virgil, what-“  
Shit.  
“Virgil, what is that on your neck?”

  
Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter without angst, comic relief or anything heartbreaking...shit, this was boring to write. Next chapter that will change though ;) At least we know now that Roman is innocent :) And I know that Logicality was forced in here but I wanted to start with those two way sooner but it just never really fit, so I had to start to shove it into this chapter. Love ya'll, imma see you in a few days with chapter 15 ^^


	15. Chapter 15

“Oh god, Roman, it’s not what it looks l–“  
Virgil stopped himself.  
No, he wouldn’t lie to Roman.  
Because it was exactly what it looks like.  
He wouldn’t lie to Roman no matter what.  
He took a deep breath, turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, quickly wrapping a towel around his waist.  
“Please let me explain, it’s complicated-“ 

Roman’s expression darkened at his words.  
“Complicated, huh?” He stepped closer, slightly moving Virgil’s head to get a clearer look at the red mark at his neck. The pierced skin, bleeding again because of the hot shower.  
“Because this looks like a bite mark” Roman traced his finger over the open wound and Virgil tried his best not to flinch at the sting.  
“It looks exactly like this one” Roman’s finger moved to an old scar right next to it “And this one”  
His voice was cold. And the expression he wore- Virgil had never seen him like that. Ever. And he felt panic welling up inside him at the sight. Real fear.  
“Roman, please – “  
Virgil’s voice started breaking. Tears started to well up in his eyes.  
He didn’t know what to say, what to do-

How was he supposed to explain everything?  
…would Roman even believe him?

“Tell me that you didn’t run back to Dean. Tell me that this isn’t one of his bite marks” Roman’s voice sounded angry, but also just as desperate as if he still had hope that he was wrong about this.  
That there was an explanation that declared his Love innocent.  
“I didn’t run back to him!” Virgil sounded like a little kid who lied to get out of trouble. He was aware of that. But he didn’t lie. He would never lie. His thoughts were spinning, his mouth felt dry, his face was burning.  
Please, please, please, just listen.  
How the hell was he supposed to explain what had happened? How could he explain what he went through that day?  
Roman stayed silent, just looked at him with piercing cold eyes.  
Virgil didn’t know how he could explain it. However, he did know that he had a choice. Think of a pretty lie or admit the harsh truth. But he didn’T even have to choose between those options, did he?  
“But yes, it is. It is one of Deans bite marks” Virgil’s face was burning, he felt like crying, this was just too much, too sudden. He didn’t know where to look. Even if he tried, he couldn’t rise gaze to look Roman in the face. It was as if his own brain tried to stop him. Tried to stop him from seeing what was written upon his expression.

After a moment of silence, Virgil couldn’t stand it anymore. He forced himself to look up. And felt tears in his eyes welling up.  
And when he met Roman’s eyes, he felt them run down his cheeks. Roman’s eyes were ice-cold, filled with disgust and disappointment. Anger.

“So basically, while we were all looking for you all day, thinking about worst-case scenarios, scared that we would never see you again, you ran off to fuck your ex-boyfriend!?!”  
Roman gave up all self-control. He screamed. Didn’t even try to hide the anger on his face. The disgust, the fury.

“No!” Virgil felt his throat close up, tears were welling over his face, he started trembling all over, “Roman, I swear, I didn’t sleep with him! I would never!”  
“Well, he obviously got you naked. I am sorry that I am starting to question what actually happened”  
No, no, no, no, please. Please.  
“Roman, please let me explain!” Virgil sobbed. He full out started crying.  
Oh god, oh god, oh god.  
“Then explain” Ice. Ice cold.

Virgil gulped.  
He wasn’t sure how he could form any words while Roman was looking at him like that – in a way he had never seen before – but when he opened his mouth the words started to pour out. He stammered and he forced himself to suppress his crying. But he tried.

“When I saw Remy, I-I jumped to con-conclusions. I panicked. I thought I had lost- I had lost you and I didn’t know what to do anymore.”  
Virgil tried to portray all his feelings in his eyes, his love for Roman, the panic he had felt in that moment. It was easy. Because the fear he felt right now might be worse. But Roman stayed silent. Just watched him with piercing eyes. Waiting for an explanation. Words that would make everything right. Words that they were both aware that didn’t exist.  
“I ended u-ended up in a Starbucks, and all of a sudden Dee was there. I really- I really don’t know how he found me. But he was there and offered me a shoulder to cr- to cry on”  
Virgil saw how Roman’s eyes hardened, saw in his eyes how he jumped to conclusions. Just how he had that day. Oh god.  
“Roman, I thought I had lost you. I thought- I thought I would never see you again, I was at – at my lowest. He was there and I had nowhere else to go, so when he offered me a ride I accepted- I know now I shouldn’t have, but I-I had nothing else. And then while I was sitting in that car I started to cry. He comforted me and when he kissed me, I didn’t fight back”  
Virgil couldn’t stop his tears now. He fucked up. He knew that. Oh god, he fucked up.  
“I didn’t fight back, because I had no strength left- Roman, I thought that we were over and I didn’t have enough strength to fight back- deep down I wanted to, but I-I just couldn’t anymore. And then he took off my hoodie and did this-“  
Virgil traced the bitemark, “And then I fought back. I pushed him away and went away without giving him another glance. Roman, I didn’t- I didn’t sleep with him, I swear”

And when Roman finally opened his mouth Virgil barely recognised his voice. Barely recognised Roman. He had never seen that much anger on his face. Never.  
“Oh, so should I be grateful that you didn’t bang your ex? Should I be proud and praise you for your oh so good demeanour?”  
“Roman, no, I didn’t mean it like that and you know that! Roman, I thought that we were over forever, I would have never let him kiss me otherwise!”  
Roman snapped.  
“Virgil, how are we supposed to work, when every time something happens you run back to your ex? How am I supposed to ever trust you?”  
“It happened once! Once! Don’t act as if this happens every time!”  
Virgil knew that he could just take the blame. Take it and hope that the rest would work itself out. But he had thought that with Roman, he wouldn’t have to do this anymore – thought he wouldn’t have to deal with that kind of toxic anymore. So he defended himself. Fought back.  
“Oh, so you just forgot how you ran off after our first kiss and refused to acknowledge my existence?”  
“Roman, no! Please just listen to me!”  
“Virgil, I am trying! I am trying so hard, but I don’t know if I can trust you anymore!”  
Something in his voice had changed. Anger had turned to desperation and sadness.  
“Roman…” Virgil talked so quietly he wasn’t even sure if he said those words aloud.  
“Are you breaking up with me?” 

The words hang in the room, tension filling the air.

“No. Yes. I don’t know!”  
“What do you mean you don’t know?!” Virgil sounded miserable, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to lose Roman. After everything, this wouldn’t be their end, would it?  
“It means I don’t know!”  
Roman was obviously frustrated, anger and sadness mixing up to an incomprehensible ball of emotions he couldn’t control anymore.  
“How can you not know that?”  
“Because I love you!”, Roman screamed suddenly, “I love you so much that I can’t breathe anymore!”  
Silence spread through the room at his words.  
Then Roman continued.  
“When you are in my arms you take my breath away and when you kiss me, I feel like my lungs refuse to work. Looking at you is enough to make me breathless, but when you go- Virgil, when you aren’t here with me, I feel like I am suffocating. And when you ran away and I didn’t know if you were safe, I was drowning. I felt like my lungs were filled with water and I have never been in so much pain. I felt as if I was going to drown while air was still in my lungs. Virgil, I love you so much, but I don’t know if I can take this any longer. I just can’t deal with this anymore.”  
Virgil didn’t know what to say. The way Roman looked at him. He pressed his hands against his mouth to silence his sobs, his tears burning his face as they flowed out of his eyes.  
“I need to think about this- about us.”  
Virgil cried, “Roman, please, I love you, I love you, I love you, I can be better, I will be better, please just don’t do this, I love you, Ro-“  
“I’ll need some space. To think. I’ll stay at Patton and Logan’s”  
Virgil stopped working.  
He couldn’t form any words anymore, he just cried, sobs and broken words escaping his mouth. There was nothing in his mind but unspoken pleas and cries.

When Roman looked at Virgil he wanted to wrap his arms around his beautiful starry night and comfort him until all his tears were dry. Wanted to kiss him until everything was alright again.  
But what he had said was true. He just couldn’t deal with all this pain anymore. He didn’t know when they would have their next fight and maybe Virgil would disappear for longer than just twenty-four hours. And he didn’t know whether his soul could take that.  
So he walked away. Walked out of their room and just left Virgil, sobbing at the bathroom floor, not looking back at him.

\---

Virgil didn’t know how long he sat there and cried, but at one point Patton showed up and sat down next to him. He rubbed his back and tried to talk to him, but Virgil could barely hear the words.  
After some time, he let Patton coax him out of the bathroom to put on some clothes.  
“Just give him some time, Virgil” Patton sounded so soft, so confident, but Virgil just couldn’t believe his words.  
What if Roman didn’t forgive him? What if he didn’t even believe him? What if he broke up with him? How was he supposed to keep on breathing when Roman wasn’t his anymore?  
“I can’t lose him, Patton” Virgil’s eyes were empty, his voice quiet and hoarse.

He knew he fucked up. Fucked up so badly. He ruined everything. He always ruins it. It’s his fault. Always him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I love my angst :) Surprisingly next chapter won't be angsty, but the one after that will be. very. I already hinted at it, but what do you guys think is gonna happen?
> 
> And honestly, whose side are yall on? Leave a comment bc that would interest me quite a lot. Do you think that Virgil fucked up or is Roman overreacting? Let me know ^^


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone ask for Roman Angst? :) No? Have it anyway :)

Roman moved out.   
He said he needed space to think, to figure out how he felt about Virgil.

It was a lie.

Because all this time, even now, nearly a week later, he still did his best to do everything but think about Virgil. Did his best to avoid his thoughts going anywhere near him.   
He was scared of his thoughts. Because no matter what conclusion he would come to, he would end up being hurt.

Virgil runs away. It’s an aspect of him and it will forever be and Roman would never want to change it.   
He would never want to change anything about Virgil.   
But Roman also knows that he will get hurt. Virgil has an unimaginable amount of power over him, even if his dark night doesn’t realise it. And Virgil acts carelessly, hurting Roman in the process. Takes his heart and shatters it. And Roman wasn’t sure how much longer he could take it. Doesn’t know how he can deal with all the pain.

He wants to forgive Virgil. Really, he wants to. But then his thoughts circle back to that moment when Virgil disappeared into nowhere, when he didn’t know whether he would see the love of his life ever again. He had hated himself beyond measure that day. His thoughts had been spiralling, the worst -what if-s going through his head, every devastating scenario played out in his head worse than the one before. Roman doubted he had ever been in such a bad state. He remembered countless bad thing happening to him throughout his life, his childhood, but nothing ever had been this unbearable. He hadn’t known what to do. He had been at his worst and it scared him.  
And then he had gotten Virgil back.   
And he saw it. Pierced red skin, the look in Virgil’s eyes. He had known instantly what had happened. Had prayed till the last moment that he was wrong. But he hadn’t been. It had been like a punch in the gut.   
While he was worrying his ass off about the countless, reckless ways Virgil could have gotten himself hurt, he was off with his ex, doing who knows what. He wanted to believe Virgil that he didn’t sleep with him. But could he?   
Roman couldn’t stop the images from pouring through his mind.   
Virgil kissing Dean.   
Virgil letting himself get undressed.  
Dean biting Virgil’s neck while his starry night moaned at the feeling.

He couldn’t stop them, he couldn’t, he couldn’t, he couldn’t.  
He wanted to believe Virgil so badly that nothing had happened, but there was this small nagging voice at the back of his head telling him not to.

He didn’t know whether he could forgive him.   
Let Virgil hurt him again and again, over and over.

But the other option? Breaking up with Virgil? It felt just as unbearable. Maybe worse.

So Roman tried not to think about it. Tried to do anything but think about it.  
Instead, he focused on school and theatre and basically everything that didn’t involve Virgil in any way.   
Within a few days, he started to get comments from his teachers about how surprised they were that Roman started to hand in his homework, not only on time but also way before the deadline. His grades were shooting up within a few days, he scooped up every bit of work he could find, busying his mind with everything he could.  
The next ones to comment was the rest of the theatre cast. They noticed how absolutely perfect he knew his lines by now, how he never even slipped up or hesitated, how he had perfected every single move. He got pats on the shoulder, comments encouraging to keep up the good work, fist bumps and high fives.

They all didn’t know why he threw himself at work like this. Didn’t know the suffocating feeling he was going through all day, every day. They didn’t see Roman split up knuckles from when he punched the wall until he was bleeding. They all didn’t see that Roman avoided sleep because he was scared of his dreams, that he could barely eat anymore and that his mind was a constant whirlwind of uncontrolled thoughts and emotions.   
He simply covered that all up. Didn’t let them see all that in the first place.

But Logan was different. More perceptive. And after all, it was hard to hide a complete change in behaviour to your new temporary roommate.

Roman had switched dorm rooms with Patton. Roman was only too happy to get some space from Virgil, Patton also surprisingly willing and open for a new roommate all of a sudden.  
Patton said it was because he wanted to watch after Virgil and make sure that his kiddo was alright, but the way he said it made Roman question whether he told the truth. The whole truth anyway.   
But he didn’t push. After all, he had different things on his mind at the moment.

Having Logan as a roommate was…different. He was even more closed off than Virgil, but that didn’t mean he cared any less about his roommate. Just showed it in different ways.

\---

At first, Logan only started to glance worriedly at Roman while he observed his off behaviour. But with each day that passed Logan noticed more and more, having to fight with himself whether he should say something or not.   
Both he and Patton had promised they wouldn’t pick any sides or get involved in their fight at all, or at least as little as possible so that their friendship wouldn’t get damaged because of it. But how could he watch Roman destroy himself like that just for an agreement he had made with Patton? After all, Patton barely even spoke to him anymore and they all knew he was definitely on Virgil’s side. It was only logical for Logan to get involved as well. However, whenever he walked past Patton on Campus, he was reminded of their oath again and something deep within him stopped him from breaking their oath. Logan didn’t know why Patton had started avoiding him, but he didn’t want to damage their friendship anyway. So, he decided to respect Patton and give him some space as well. If he didn’t want to talk to him, Logan couldn’t force him to.  
He just was confused why Patton acted this way all of a sudden. He hadn’t said or done anything wrong after all. At least, nothing he could think of.

Logan broke his promise after a very bad day.   
Roman had barely eaten, slept or spoken to any of them and had spent his whole day working on an assignment, which not even Logan had started on yet. When he started to revise his lines for the millionth time that week, lines that even Logan knew by heart just by listening to his new roommate practise them day after day, he pulled him aside.

“Roman, is everything…Gucci?”  
“Logan, for the love of God, don’t ever say that again” Roman looked at him with a mildly disturbed face, “And yes, I am fine, I just need to practise these, the premiere is coming up, so could we talk another time? Please?”   
He moved to sit down again, but Logan quickly stopped him, moving to stand in his way and force Roman this way to look him in the eyes.  
“Roman, lately you have been indulging in unhealthy mannerisms and even though I understand that those are most likely coping mechanisms, I do worry about your mental and physical health. I recommend that you try something different, for example, you could...talk to me. About your feelings”  
“Logan, I am fine, really. And didn’t you guys promise that you wouldn’t get involved until Virgil and I figured our stuff out?”  
“There is a huge difference between getting involved in your…fight and taking care of a friend of mine. I am worried and want to make sure that you are…Gucci”  
“Logan, I swear to god, stop using that word.” Roman groaned.  
His shoulders slumped and he sighed deeply, “You wanna talk feels? Alright, let’s talk feels. I miss Virgil. So much. Yet even looking at him hurts me and right now I can’t even deal with thinking about him. I don’t know what to do and it kills me”  
Logan cleared his throat, “Roman, I understand that you are going through a hard time, but I do think to treat yourself this badly is quite counterproductive. If you don’t hydrate and nurture your body properly, your state of mind will only continue to worsen, which will only make it more difficult to figure out how to deal with your feelings. However, I fully support you and if you think that taking some space from Virgil will help you figure out your feelings, then I support that decision too. You still need to take care of yourself, nonetheless.”  
“It’s not that simple and you should know that, Logan”, Roman fell down on Patton’s bed, or should he say his bed? Gosh, this was all too much. How long could he keep on ignoring Virgil without going crazy? He slumped his head into his hands, sighing frustratedly.  
“I do understand that you are going through a hard time at the moment”, Logan sat down next to him, “I only ask of you to try to eat and drink a little bit. Get some sleep. You have already practised your lines enough, so why don’t you take a break and we go and eat out?”  
Roman looked up the slightest bit, his puppy eyes staring at Logan sadly. But he nodded anyway.

\---

“I reserved some tickets for you guys!” Roman happily sprinted towards Patton in the cafeteria, pulling Logan forcefully alongside him, “It’s not the first row, but pretty far in front anyway” He beamed at them, shoving the cards into Patton’s hands.  
“Oh yes! The premiere is already in a few days isn’t it?” Patton smiled, quickly reading over everything on the cards.   
Patton suddenly looked up, his voice and eyes full of sadness.  
“Roman, but those are only two…?”   
“Yes, for you and Logan! My parents aren’t coming, so I only got cards for both of you”   
Patton hesitated, not knowing how to ask about the elephant in the room.  
“Aren’t you going to invite Virgil?”  
Roman’s smile instantly disappeared, his eyes turning glassy and empty.  
“It’s a big thing, you know, and you have been waiting for this day all year now” Patton continued “Don’t you think it’s unfair if Virgil misses this big day just because of some stupid fight?”  
Roman stayed silent for a moment as if his whole world had frozen over all of a sudden.  
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for Virgil to come”   
His voice was silent but determined, his eyes focused on the floor beneath them.

Then he suddenly spun around at a too familiar sound behind him.  
Virgil was staring at him with big eyes, hurt written all over his expression.  
“Patton, I wanted to give you your- You know what, never mind” Virgil stammered, quickly retreating.  
“Virgil, wait!” Patton tried to stop him, but he was already too far.  
“Don’t worry about it, Patton, I understand, I really- I-“ With that, he turned around again and was gone in an instant.  
Patton glanced at Roman with his disappointed-dad-look, but Logan interrupted him before he could say something.  
“I think Roman made the right decision, as he has to get his feelings in order, and having Virgil close at such an eventful and most likely stressful day would be very counterproductive”  
“Oh, don’t act as if you know anything about feelings, Logan” Patton hissed suddenly “Besides, weren’t you the one who said we should stay out of this and not get involved?”  
“I only stated my opinion on this matter. If anyone really got involved, then it was you by obviously picking Virgil’s side first”  
Patton looked at him as if he were either about to cry or scream or maybe both.  
“Roman, thank you for the card. I am looking forward very much to the big day” Patton angrily shoved Logan’s ticket into his hands and turned around, grumbling something about checking in on Virgil.

“Did I- did I insult him, somehow?” Logan wondered out loud, oblivious and innocent, “I only stated the facts, why did he get all insulted all of a sudden?”  
Roman sighed and patted his shoulder.  
“Logan…I’ll let you figure that out on your own”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, we are slowly but surely coming to an end...the main story will have about 18 to 20 Chapters, however! I do plan on making several one-shots revolving around this story, eg a Sidestory about Logicality, and one about Prinxiety after college...I don't have the heart to abandon this fic, like ever, after all, so many of you support me and this story so greatly *cries tears of happiness in the background*


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAaaaaaHHHHhhh the next chapter is here, I loved writing it so much. Hnnnghhhh I wanna write the next chapter right away but it's like 3 am here and I am still supposed to do stuff today askldfhaskjdfh trust me guys, you'll love the next chapter :)) and hopefully this one too :) have fun with this rollercoaster of emotions :))

This was it.  
This was the big day.  
This was what Roman had worked for all year.

He looked at himself in the mirror once more. Fixed the crown so it sat perfectly upon his head. Tugged a little at his costume.  
He had always thought he’d be happier. More excited.  
But he barely even managed to smile. Instead of excitement and joy, there was just this empty, clenching feeling in his gut. He only felt nervous and scared. Right now, he wanted nothing more than to hold Virgil’s hand and look at his smile. Needed nothing more to know he’d be alright.  
Yet he only wanted to cry whenever he thought of his starry night. This was so unfair. Why does everything have to be so complicated? Why can’t there be a solution where no one involved gets hurt?

-I don’t think it’s a good idea for Virgil to come.-  
Virgil’s face after he had said those words.  
Gosh, he should have invited Virgil as well. 

Nonononono. No. Absolutely not.  
This is exactly how everything is supposed to be.  
Today was about him, not Virgil.  
He wouldn’t let Virgil ruin this.

He stared at the mirror another time, determination in his eyes.  
He would go out there and fcking crush it.  
He will sweep the audience off their feet and perform better than anyone else ever could.

He had worked so hard. He could do this. He will do this.

Roman took a deep breath and walked out of the dressing room, heading backstage. After all, he didn’t have too long until the play started. He had to be ready.

\---

Roman pulled the curtain aside slightly, taking a peek at the audience.  
Oh god, the theatre hall was absolutely full.  
He had known from the beginning that they’d do this on a big stage and that many people would come, but he absolutely hadn’t expected that many.  
Greenhill was famous for its spectacular plays and they always played in this venue, but now that Roman was standing here, looking at those countless waiting faces, he felt absolutely overwhelmed. In a good way.  
Excitement finally started to pour through his mind, adrenaline pumping through his body.  
Yes, this is what he had worked so hard for.  
Standing on stage and performing in front of all those people.  
That rush of adrenaline, that excitement.

“Ready, Roman?” Sasha, the girl who played the princess, patted his shoulder. She was grinning all over her face, her eyes sparkling with joy.  
“Ready as I’ll ever be” A grin, just as wide as hers, spread over his lips. “We are going to give those people the best performance they have ever seen”  
“Hell yeah, we are!”

\---

Roman felt amazing. Now that he was finally up on stage, his lines were just pouring out of him as if the words were his own. All his bad thoughts were gone, it was just him and the stage. The rush and the joy. There was nothing more. Roman felt as if electricity was shooting through his veins.  
He had never felt this alive.  
It was amazing.

And when the script required him to turn towards the audience, he used the chance to scan the faces. They were all beaming up at them.  
He saw Patton and Logan, he saw so many familiar faces from college, and even more faces he had never seen before. So unbelievable many people had come and were now watching his every move, their eyes glued to the stage, their hearts beating in rhythm with their play. 

Then his eyes fell on that one face.  
He had never seen it in real life before. Only on that picture.  
Yet Roman would recognise that face everywhere.  
The scar. The smirk on his face when their eyes met.  
He knew that face all too well. 

Roman froze. 

It was Dean.  
Dean was just sitting there, smirking up at him. 

And for just a second Roman forgot where he was.  
What he was doing.  
For just a second, he stood there and held eye contact with the man that caused all this heartbreak. All those problems.

Sasha ripped him out of his thoughts.  
She is a smart girl, she noticed something was off. So, when her lines ended, she tenderly touched his hand, pulling his attention back to the play.  
The second his eyes left Dean’s face, Roman continued without hesitation, making sure that the audience would be convinced this interaction was scripted exactly this way.  
But there was still an unspoken question in Sasha’s eyes.

Are you alright? 

No, he was definitely not alright.  
Dean was here. The cause of all his troubles was here. Just out of reach, using the play, the audience, everyone in this room as his shield. Because if it wasn’t for all this, nothing would stop Roman from walking up to him and punch that stupid smirk right out of his pretty face.

But he kept going.  
He wouldn’t give that Bastard the satisfaction of messing up just because of him.  
Yet, even while he performed, there were still all these questions circling his mind.  
Why the fuck was he here? How does he even know about this? …Did Virgil? No, no he wouldn’t. Never.  
So why the hell was he here? 

\---

The second the curtains were drawn for the break Roman stormed off the stage. He wouldn’t let that Bastard ruin his show. This was his big day. And if he had to, he’d drag Dean out of the theatre hall with his own bare hands. 

Roman wasn’t sure whether he would be able to find him within the masses in this short break, but he would most certainly try.  
But he had been worried without reason.

Because just as he stormed down the hallway, a certain smirk already grinned right back at him. Dean was just standing there, locking eyes with him, smiling as everything was absolutely alright. Waiting for him.

Roman didn’t hesitate.  
He grabbed Dean’s collar and slammed him into the wall, hard enough to knock the air out of his lungs.  
“Give me a single reason why I shouldn’t punch your pretty face until I break every last piece of it right fucking now”, Roman growled at him.  
And the threat was just enough to wipe that sassy smirk off of Deans face.  
“Because I came to make things right”

Roman almost burst out laughing, but only a small chuckle escaped him.  
“If you think that apologising will stop me from beating you up right now, right here, then you are so fucking mistaken”

Dean smiled.  
He fucking smiled.  
“Oh, darling, don’t worry, I am not here to make amends. I didn’t do anything wrong after all” It was nearly impressive how Dean managed to keep his voice calm and snarky, considering he was still being pressed against the wall with bruising force, Roman ready to beat him up at a single wrong word.  
“Let’s just say I came here to make sure that Virgil is alright”  
Hearing that name made Roman loosen up just the slightest bit. But he stayed cold.  
“And why the hell would you do that?”

“Because I love him” All of a sudden Dean’s voice was serious, maybe even tinted with a hint of emotion.  
“I know that I didn’t show it well and that I was a horrible boyfriend to him, but that doesn't change that I still love him. So much.”  
Roman took the slightest step back, his eyes wide open. He really hadn’t expected this conversation to go like this.  
“That’s why I want the best for him, and only the best. Sadly, that isn’t me.”  
Dean quickly straightened his shirt and his posture. Roman hadn’t noticed when he had let go of him.  
“It’s you.”

Roman was speechless.  
Yet there were still so many questions circling his mind.  
“Why? Why are you doing all this?"  
“I already said it. I love him. And even if I can’t have him, I don’t want to live in a world without him”  
Roman’s silence was enough to show off his confusion.  
A grin swept over Dean’s lips, “You really don’t understand, do you?”  
He grabbed the rim of Roman’s costume and started to straighten the folds their encounter had caused, busying his hands with the soft material.  
“Virgil has panic attacks. Bad ones. How many did he even have while you two were dating?”  
Roman stared at the man in front of him. He barely knew how to react to this conversation. He didn’t even really understand what was happening.  
“…there- he had one this one time, when-“  
“Once”, Dean let out a snicker, and Roman could literally see the self-hatred flicker in his eyes as Dean looked at the ground, his fingers brushing through his blond locks, “He had one panic attack, and you two have been dating for how long? Nearly two semesters now, isn’t it?” Another snicker. “You really are the best thing that ever happened to him, aren't you, Prince Charming?" Dean looked him up and down as if he saw him form a new light all of a sudden, "Roman, while Virgil and I were dating, him having only one panic attack per week was exceptionally good."  
Dean looked up at Roman, a pallete of emotion displayed in his eyes.  
"Now Roman, do you know what is connected to panic attacks in some cases? Especially in Virgil’s case?" Dean paused "It’s suicidal thoughts. Bad ones”  
Roman didn’t know what to say. What to do. He just stood there, listening to the man he had sworn he would kill after what he had done to him and Virgil. Yet he just stood there with big eyes and a hammering heart, listening to him.  
“Now, think about what would happen. Take a broken man, and take his everything away. And yes, Virgil is romantic enough to see you as his everything.”  
Dean looked up and Roman could see the pain in his eyes, could hear it in his voice.  
“Breaking up with you, I think it would kill him. Literally. That’s why I am here. Because I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if worst came to worst”

Roman was speechless.  
“Then why did you cause all this in the first place? Why didn't you just leave Virgil be?”  
Dean laughed another time.  
“You really can’t listen, can you? Or are you simply that dumb? Let me say it again: I love him. And of course, I didn’t just let that chance go by when you two broke up. But I had absolutely no chance with Virgil, had I? Sadly, I only realised that when I kissed him and he kept moaning your name. I doubt that he even realised that it was me who he was kissing.”  
Roman was taken aback.  
“What do you mean, he didn’t realise…?”  
“Roman, you really are not the brightest, are you? Have you seen the state he was in that day? The boy looked like he hadn’t slept in three days, he was at his end and delusional. Most likely he had some kind of panic attack while I was kissing him. Trust me, Roman, I am pretty sure he didn’t realise what he was doing”

There were so many questions circling through Roman's mind, a whirlwind of confusion and shock. But it was that one question that escaped his lips.  
“How do you even know all this? How did you know that I and Virgil had broken up, and how do you even know about the premiere today?”  
Dean laughed, but Roman could have sworn he heard a certain nervous undertone.  
“Well, Roman, you might not have the best relationship with your brother, but you do tell your twin everything that is going on in your life, don’t you? And Remus likes to tell me things as well.”  
Roman wasn’t sure whether this had answered his question or just thrown up millions more.  
“You know Remus? How…? Why would he…?”  
Dean chuckled, now obviously very nervous.  
“Does Starwood ring a bell? The university your dear brother goes to? Well, so do I, and it happens that we are roommates. And additionally…”  
Dean hesitated, but Roman’s patience was at an end.  
“And what?”  
“Well, you are going to find out soon anyway, won’t you? So I might as well tell you. I and Remus have been Roommates for nearly a year now and the last few weeks we started…dating”

CRACK.

Roman felt bone break under his fist.  
Hot blood gushed over his knuckles, out of Deans nose, all over the boy's shirt.  
Roman grabbed his collar again, shoving him against the wall so forcefully he might have cracked another bone.  
“Are you fucker honestly telling me, that after you poured your heart out about how much you love my boyfriend, after admitting that you tried fucking my boyfriend, that you are banging my twin-brother?!”  
Dean tried to open his mouth, but the movement caused another wave of blood pouring out of his nose.

Roman would have punched him another time. Would have punched him many, many times, repeatedly, if it hadn’t been for the screeching girl that stormed past them.  
“Roman! We are late! We are so fucking late! We need to get on stage. Now!”

Shit.

The play.

He had nearly forgotten.

He instantly let go off Dean and stormed after Sasha, catching up with her within a moment and pulling her alongside him.  
He quickly turned around to the bleeding mess behind him, screaming.  
“Don’t you dare ever get within my sight again or I swear to god, I will break so much more than just your nose!”

They turned a corner before Dean could react in any way, but one look at Sasha was enough to see the question in her eyes.  
"What exactly...?"  
“Long story.”

\---

They somehow managed to get to the stage just on time. Roman even accomplished to calm down just enough so that nobody would notice that something had happened during the break.  
He really just hoped the audience would assume the splattered blood on his sleeve was supposed to be there.

But as far as Roman was concerned, no one seemed to suspect a thing.  
He managed to hide his inner turmoil perfectly, his mind focused a 100% on the play again as he entered the stage.  
Alright, let’s say 99%.

Because somewhere in his unconsciousness, his brain was still trying to process what the fuck just had happened. And what it all meant.

\---

Roman didn’t know how, but he managed to get through the whole play without fucking up. But here he stood, bowing before the audience, being showered in bellowing applause.  
And he had finally made up his mind.  
After all those mixed feelings, all that overthinking and suffering.  
He had figured it out.  
A solution where no one involved would get hurt.

\---

“Roman! You performed wonderfully, the play was so amaz-“  
“Patton, thank you so much, but we need to get to Greenhill. Right. Fucking. Now. Well, I need to anyway.”  
Patton looked hesitantly at his friend for a split second, confused, but then his face lit up.  
“You made up your mind about Virgil, didn’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Roman and Virgil having another fight*  
Their exes: "Yeah, we gotta fix that"
> 
> \---
> 
> Remy: "I'll get my car, you try not to get punched in the face this time. Again."  
Dee, pressing ice against his swollen face: "I'll try"


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the sappiness :)  
Hope you enjoy!
> 
> also, NSFW warning at the end of the chapter (marked with ****)
> 
> And please make sure to read the notes at the end!!

The drive back to Greenhill felt like an eternity.  
Roman’s heart and mind were racing each other, his whole body nearly shaking with energy.

Somewhere deep down, Roman knew just how absolutely mind-blowingly stupid his plan was.  
But that part of his brain was completely overshadowed by Virgil’s name shooting through his brain on repeat, and by his wonderful smile, by his cute giggle, and Roman wouldn’t possibly be able to think about anything else at the moment, even if he wanted to. 

Two conditions.

Two mind-blowingly stupid, wonderful, absolutely perfect conditions.

It might be the most romantic gesture Roman had ever made in his whole life, or it might end up scaring Virgil away.  
Roman didn’t know.  
Didn’t want to think about it.

But he didn’t have much of a choice, did he?  
He had to risk it.

Everything or nothing.  
The perfect solution for all their problems. A solution in which no one involved would get hurt. A solution that would fulfil all his innermost dreams

Or it could be the downfall of their Love.  
The End of a romance of a lifetime and nothing would be able to fix it afterwards.  
Everything or nothing.

Roman’s heart was pumping, his thoughts out of control.  
The rational part of his brain couldn’t believe what he was about to do. He refused to listen though.  
He couldn’t imagine not doing it.

It was such a rush of Adrenaline, of emotion, of love.  
Yes, he knew exactly what he’d do. What he’d say.

\---

“Virgil!” Roman stormed into their dorm room, the widest grin spread over his lips, his face flushed from unshed tears. Tears of happiness.

But just as he burst into the room he came to a halt. The whole room was splattered in rose petals, Virgil sitting amidst them on his bed, holding a bouquet in his hands. His head bowed, his shoulders sacked, as he plucked another petal from one of the many flowers in his hands, letting it slowly drift to the ground to the others.  
Roman looked speechlessly at the room, at the bouquet in Virgil’s hands, knowing who it is meant for without having to read the little card it held.

Virgil suddenly looked up as Roman closed the door behind him a little too loudly, the boy instantly ripping his headphones out, which had distracted him until now. “Roman! What- What are you already back?”  
Virgil looked him up and down “And why are you still in costume?”

“I came as quickly as I could”, Roman’s voice was hoarse and nearly silent, he looked at all the petals spread around the room, the bouquet Virgil was holding and a little smile started to spread across his lips, “Did you…buy flowers? For me?”  
“Yes. No.” Virgil suddenly stared at the roses in his hands and quickly hid them behind his back.  
“Maybe” He sighed “To be honest…”  
Virgil hesitated, avoiding looking Roman into his eyes, instead letting his eyes drop to the floor.  
“…since you were very clear about the fact that you didn’t want me to come, I at least wanted to get you some roses for your big day. Just write a card and let Patton deliver them after the play, but…then I remembered what you said, and I decided last second that you probably wouldn’t like them anyway. But I had already bought them and didn’t know what to do so…this happened” Virgil gestured towards all the petals over the floor, picking one up that had landed on his knee, letting it fall down to all the others.

Roman sauntered over to Virgil until he stood right in front of him, a soft smile dancing over his lips.  
“I love roses” And with those words Roman slowly bowed down, lifting Virgil’s chin with soft fingertips until he was forced to look at him.  
And when Roman saw Virgil’s eyes, saw how they were overflowing with emotion, with love and sadness, he closed the distance between them.

His starry night froze for a moment, obviously not able to comprehend what was happening.  
But when Roman didn’t pull back, when he kept on kissing him softly, Virgil couldn’t help but melt against Roman, moving his lips in tandem with his, the both of them creating a symphony of unsaid words with their lips alone.

And when Roman finally pulled back, looking down at Virgil as if he were the moon and the stars, Virgil had to choke back the lump in his chest.  
“If I had known that you’d forgive me because of some flowers, I would have bought you a million ages ago” Virgil’s voice came out like a breathless hush, betraying him and portraying all his feelings within the few syllables. He was staring up at Roman with big, desperate eyes, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

Roman slowly sank down to his knees, his hand hands cupping Virgil’s face, his eyes filled with love for the man in front of him. Then he kissed Virgil again, this time even softer, barely a brush of their lips.  
“Not because of the roses. Not entirely, anyway, my love” Roman mumbled without breaking eye contact.

Oh god, he had missed kissing Virgil so much. He could feel his insides burning at the sensation, the feeling almost overwhelming him.  
“Does that…does that mean you forgive me? That you aren’t breaking up with me?” Virgil didn’t even try to hide the panic in his voice, the relief, the fear and the love. Tears filled his eyes, which Roman kissed away as they rolled down his cheeks.

“Yes,” A Pause “Well no. I am not breaking up with you on two conditions” Roman kissed Virgil another time, softly pushing him back onto the mattress and crawling on top of him, not letting go of his lips for a single second. God, how had he managed to resist those sweet lips for so long? Because right now, Roman couldn’t think of doing anything but kissing Virgil and never letting go of him again.

Praise whatever deity that had made the man beneath him, because there was no way Virgil wasn’t created by the gods, formed from stardust to be nothing but absolute perfection.  
And even if he tried, Roman knew he would never be able to resist his starry night, his lips, his body, his soul. 

“Roman, I’ll do anything, please just-“, Virgil mumbled as Roman let go of his lips for just a split second, being silenced by his lips again before he could finish his sentence.

“The first condition is-“, Roman couldn’t even finish his own sentence before taking Virgil’s lips again, the temptation that was his boyfriend simply too unbearable to resist.

“It is…?” Virgil softly pushed Roman away, he himself barely able to make the choice between his desire to never let go of Roman’s lips again and the unbearable need to finally know, finally give Roman his everything, everything his love could ever desire.

Roman sighed but sat up the slightest bit, nonetheless, forcing himself to remember the words he had had prepared oh so carefully, only to have dumped them completely so far.

“Virgil, whenever things get too much for you, you run away”  
Roman took Virgil’s hand and started to draw little circles on his palm, his eyes fixated onto the small movement.  
“And whenever you do, you leave me behind, being able to do nothing but worry. I worry so much I feel like I am suffocating. Not knowing where you are, whether you are safe…it’s unbearable”  
Tears started to roll out of Virgil’s eyes again.  
“Roman, I promise- I promise, I’ll be better, I’ll stop-“  
Roman silenced Virgil by softly kissing his knuckles.  
“Hush, my beautiful nightmare. Virgil, I love you, and I love every part of you. And I wouldn’t ever want to change any aspect about you” Roman smiled down at Virgil with so much love in his eyes that Virgil nearly started to cry again. 

“All I ask of you is that next time you text me every now and then, to let me now that you are safe and sound, just so I don’t have to worry too much, alright? And if I fuck up so badly that you don’t even want to text me, at least let Logan or Patton know. They are worried about you too, you know” Roman brushed Virgil’s bangs out of his face, the boy beneath him just nodding, scared that he will end up sobbing if he opens his mouth.

“And the other condition?”  
Roman smiled but stayed silent. He cupped his face in his hand, his thumb drawing across his cheekbone, before drawing Virgil in for another kiss.  
Then those two words escaped his mouth.  
It took Virgil a moment to realise what Roman said. First felt the words whispered against his lips before his ears comprehended them.

“Marry me”

Virgil just looked up at him. Unable to process what he had just heard.  
He tried to open his mouth, but no words came out.  
Opened his mouth and closed it again.  
Virgil couldn’t speak even if he tried to. Even if he knew what he was supposed to say.

“My second condition is that you promise you will marry me. One day.” Roman kissed Virgil’s knuckles again, softly, giving him time to process his words, giving his starry night time to think. 

“Not right away of course, only when you are ready. And I don’t care whether that’s the case in a year, or five, in a decade, or even when we are old and wrinkly. But I want you to promise me that you’ll marry me. Because this way I know that no matter how many times you run away, no matter how many times we have a fight, you’ll always come back to me and one day you will be mine”  
Roman kissed his forehead, cupping his face with his hands, looking at Virgil with so much love in his eyes that Virgil lost his ability to breathe.  
“Virgil, I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. There is nothing else I could ever want more”  
Roman’s voice and eyes were so full of love that Virgil felt his eyes tear up again, his breath hitching in this throat, his heart so full of emotion he felt like he was about to burst into flames.

“Roman, you Idiot”, Virgil sobbed, tears running down his face uncontrollably “Of course I will marry you.” Virgil cried, he cried and cried and cried. “Since the day you kissed me on that roof, I wanted to marry you”

****

Now it was time for Virgil to pull Roman down to his lips, kissing him as if his life depended on it. Because right now, Virgil definitely felt like he would drown the moment he’d let go of Roman’s lips.

And even when Virgil’s lungs burned from the strain and when Roman himself had to pull back, Virgil barely let the both of them take another breath before clashing their lips together again. 

“Virgil” Roman hummed his name like a prayer, again and again, the words resonating within his soul, forming a plea, a love letter, a wish.  
He started to kiss away the tears that had already dried on Virgil’s cheeks, the boy beneath him writhing with every touch, offering his face to Roman’s kisses, his back arching against his body, trying to get even closer to Roman if that were even possible.

Roman tangled his hand into Virgil’s hair, the other one placed on his hip but slowly moving up Virgil’s side, caressing every bit of skin with featherlight touches.  
He kissed his jaw, his neck, his collarbones, the noises Virgil elicited as he was being worshipped sending bolts of electricity through Roman’s body, nearly driving him insane.

Roman only stopped his descent when it was hindered by Virgil’s shirt, moving to pull it oh so carefully off, as not to hurt him in any way, his Stormcloud just as eager to pull of Roman’s.

The moment they were both free Roman instantly dove down again, pressing his lips against Virgil’s skin, licking and sucking at the sensitive spot behind his ear, making Virgil a moaning mess underneath him.

“Roman, please-“, Virgil gasped out, clawing at Roman’s back, leaving red streaks, but not able to finish his sentence, only a constant flow of moans escaping his mouth.  
Roman smirked against his skin, knowing very well what he was doing to his beautiful nightmare.

Ignoring Virgil’s desperate tries to pull off Roman’s pants, he continued his agonizingly slow journey down Virgil’s abdomen, his moans getting more and more desperate the closer Roman got to his pelvis.

“Roman, I swear to god, If you don’t stop teasing right now, I will-“  
“You will do what, Virgil dear?”  
Oh god, when Virgil heard the grumble in Roman’s voice - he knew he was absolutely fucked.  
Oh, he was so, so fucked.

At seeing Virgil’s desperate expression Roman couldn’t stop the devilish smirk creeping across his lips, as he crawled back, biting Virgil’s inner thigh through his pants, while he tried to get them off.

Virgil nearly cried from relief when Roman pulled his pants and boxers off of him, Roman’s own following a moment later.  
“So impatient” Roman murmured seductively against the skin of his thighs, sending bolts of electricity through Virgil’s body, his back arching instinctively off the mattress, the sweetest noises pouring from his mouth.

Roman ignored Virgil’s whines as he sat up again, pulling lube and a condom out of the drawer next to the bed.  
And Virgil’s whines were quickly replaced by a deep groan as he felt a slicked-up finger push inside him, slowly, oh, oh so slowly.  
“Roman, god, please”  
And at that Roman pushed in another finger, working him open gently and leisurely.  
Virgil groaned in frustration, not able to press back against his fingers as Roman was forcing his hips into the mattress with his other hand, stopping him from moving completely.

Roman had long since abandoned kissing Virgil’s skin in favour of watching his starry night come undone beneath him, the sight so unbearably delicious he felt his control slip with every single one of Virgil’s writhes.  
And when he kept whining his name, Roman couldn’t hold himself back anymore.  
He pulled his fingers out, but Virgil’s frustrated noises of being empty were soon silenced as Roman pushed in and did not disappoint.

He gave his starry night a moment to adjust, holding his hips firmly in place, stopping him from moving and hurting himself in the process.  
And just looking down at Virgil, his face, his entire body flushed and covered in sweat, his knuckles absolutely white from grasping the sheets under him so tightly, the view was so beautiful it was nearly enough to push him over the edge.

And when Virgil’s patience reached an end, clawing his fingernails into Roman’s skin trying to get him to move, Roman obeyed with a smirk.  
He rolled his hips with agonizingly slow thrusts, every movement feeling like heaven, a litany of worshipping words pouring out of Roman.  
Every touch, every movement and every sound sent electricity through their veins, heaven compared nothing to the feeling.

It didn’t take much to push Virgil over the edge, the boy screaming Roman’s name as he came, hard, Roman following him only moments later.

\---

****

“Roman?” Virgil drew little circles with his finger across Roman’s skin, his eyes barely open as he watched his lover’s chest rise and fall.  
Roman let out a hum, too tired to form proper words.  
“Are we…Are we engaged?”  
An amused huff instantly escaped Roman, “You insult me, my beautiful nightmare”  
Virgil instantly regretted his words, very well aware of how stupid his question had been.  
Of course, they were…  
“Of course, we aren’t”  
Roman forced himself to sit up and crawled over Virgil, locking eyes with the beautiful man beneath him.  
“There is no way I would ever allow myself to call you my fiancé without even having offered you a ring, or without even having gone to my knees for you”

The way Roman looked into his eyes…  
Oh god, Virgil wanted him to go to his knees for him for a completely different reason.

“Roman, that sounded so fcking gay” Virgil snickered instead.  
“Virgil, dear, I just want to remind you that I just fucked you until you screamed my name, and that wasn’t even the gayest thing I did today. So please, choose your next words wisely”, Roman grumbled playfully, no bite at all in his words.  
“I love you, Roman”  
“Words indeed chosen wisely” Roman nuzzled his nose into the crook of Virgil’s neck, smiling brightly.  
“I love you too, my Stormcloud”

“And when exactly are you going on your knees for me?”, Virgil asked innocently.  
“Depends”, Roman said with a smirk and a dangerous undertone.  
“And on what exactly if I may ask?”  
“If you are talking about getting a ring or about your growing problem down there”  
Virgil punched Roman’s arm. “Idiot”  
“And?”  
“You better tell me when you will get me my ring, and then you can get on your knees to make up for that comment just now”  
Roman smirked and licked his lips seductively, but his eyes were filled to the rim with love instead of hunger. “I will propose to you whenever you want me to, whenever you are ready”

“Let’s just graduate college first, alright?”  
Roman’s laughter filled the room, his smile as bright as the sun.  
“Of course, my wonderful dark night. It’s a deal”

And when he kissed Virgil again it was everything Roman had ever dreamed of. It was sweet and soft, passionate and pure. It was happiness and sunshine, it was emotion and it was love.

“I can’t wait to marry you, my love”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys...chapter 18 out of 18...
> 
> ...
> 
> Nah, don't worry, I am way too hooked onto this story to let my baby die, so even though the main story is over, it will receive several One-Shots, e.g. The proper Engagement, The Wedding, Date nights... :D I will not post them directly on this fic though, so make sure to subscribe to the series if you are like me and don't want to give those two Idiots up yet :)
> 
> And honestly, without all of you, my lovely readers, and your comments, I would have never managed to finish this. I owe so much to all of you. So thank you so much for your support, for your comments and your loyal clicks on every chapter - I love you guys and I basically sold my soul to all of you. See ya ;)


End file.
